The Adventures of Beta Mummy

Been out lately? By out, I mean out out.  Actual lipstick-wearing, late-nighting, non-changing bag carrying, child-free adulting, out.

HOMEWORK.   Bloody homework. Sometimes I wonder who hates it more: Feral Child or me.   As soon as they start school kids these days seem to start getting homework in one form or other. Whether it’s daily reading, phonics practice, writing a diary or – heaven forbid – making something, homework is a curse inflicted upon the whole family.…

January.  January is the month that everyone in the whole wide world seems to start some sort of self-improvement quest:  going vegan, getting fit, losing weight, konmari-ing their house… Luckily January is nearly over.

Have you had parents’ evening just lately? How did it go?

Ah, swimming lessons. I write this as I sit, sweating, boiling slowly to death by the side of the pool whilst the two Feral Children have their weekly swim. Is it just me or do you find your kids’ swimming lesson (or at least the half hour either side of it) the most stressful part of your entire week?!

First things first: I LOVE the summer. I love the warm days not having to worry about taking a coat out, the long evenings, going to the beach, and the fact that strawberries start actually tasting of strawberries. But I don’t love suncream – or the application of it at least. I will say that despite being a fully-fledged Beta Mummy, I am…

BEACH READY. I have a hatred of that little phrase/descriptor. It is always used to sell exercise regimes and magazines and shitty fad diets – and by extension to make women feel crap about themselves if they are anything other than a fitness model. It implies that if you’re not “beach ready” as they describe, perhaps you’d better not go…

Kids tend to like make-believe and role play games – you know, like driving cars around or pretending to be shopkeepers or having a teddy bears picnic.  I…don’t.

Dirty laundry (the literal kind) is the bane of my existence.  I don’t know where it all comes from but it seems to breed like some kind of evil comic-book fungus.  Occasionally I find actual fungus, if I manage to get somewhere near the dark, dank depths of the lower reaches of my laundry basket.