Swimming lessons (and why Beta Mummies hate them)


Ah, swimming lessons. I write this as I sit, sweating, boiling slowly to death by the side of the pool whilst the two Feral Children have their weekly swim. Is it just me or do you find your kids’ swimming lesson (or at least the half hour either side of it) the most stressful part of your entire week?!

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TRUST ME ON THE SUNSCREEN


First things first: I LOVE the summer. I love the warm days not having to worry about taking a coat out, the long evenings, going to the beach, and the fact that strawberries start actually tasting of strawberries. But I don’t love suncream – or the application of it at least. I will say that despite being a fully-fledged Beta Mummy, I am…

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Beta Mummy is Beach Ready!


BEACH READY. I have a hatred of that little phrase/descriptor. It is always used to sell exercise regimes and magazines and shitty fad diets – and by extension to make women feel crap about themselves if they are anything other than a fitness model. It implies that if you’re not “beach ready” as they describe, perhaps you’d better not go…

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Death by laundry…


Dirty laundry (the literal kind) is the bane of my existence.  I don’t know where it all comes from but it seems to breed like some kind of evil comic-book fungus.  Occasionally I find actual fungus, if I manage to get somewhere near the dark, dank depths of the lower reaches of my laundry basket.

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Beta Mummy Doesn’t Share Her Chocolate!


Beta Mummy is rather possessive when it comes to her little sweet treats.  (She’s quite happy to share the kids’ chocolate, though, that’s totally fine). Alpha Mummy probably doesn’t eat chocolate (she’s one of those super-healthy, grow-your-own, gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, fruitarian, paleo, farmers’ market-buying, non-sugar eating types) but if she did it’d probably be the best chocolate in the world… …

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A Beta Mummy Guide to Doing a Baby Sale


I recently sold a load of my baby crap at a nearly-new sale.  It wasn’t an NCT one (I’m not sure my shabby offerings would be welcome there), but there are loads of the same sort of thing around these days.  Great for picking up a bargain or three as a buyer, and also great for getting rid of your…

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Beta Mummy Dreads…WORLD BOOK DAY


Thursday 1st March 2018 is World Book Day. Beta Mummies, do not panic! I repeat, DO NOT PANIC! (OK, panic just a little bit, after all this is one of the most dreaded days of the school year for useless mothers like me who don’t do sewing or crafty shit).

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Chicken Pox Survival: A Beta Mummy Guide.


Chicken pox is one of those crappy rites of passage we go through as parents – along with weaning, potty training, accidentally ingesting a bit of your child’s puke (no? Just me?), etc.  We have recently been through this particular delight, so I thought I’d write my very own Beta Mummy guide to coping with it.

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