This one happened after Feral Child #2 was born. You’d think that by this stage, (now an “experienced mum” as my health visitor hilariously once described me), I’d have known better. But no.
So, three months after Feral Child #2’s birth, it was FC #1’s second birthday party. We’d bought him an enormous trampoline in the vain hope that it would help burn off some of his….vigour. (It didnt work, by the way – he now just makes use of the “safety enclosure” to enact cage fights with his little brother).
Me, being:
a) an idiot
b) slightly pissed (all the best kids’ parties involve booze for the grown-ups, right?)
c) over-confident about the state of my pelvic floor
decided that I simply must have a go on said trampoline. In front of everyone. Whilst wearing pale grey trousers – you know, the kind that go dark grey when they get wet?
I don’t think I need to tell you what happened next, but let’s just say I haven’t been on a trampoline since.
Important lessons learned:
Do not go trampolining shortly after giving birth to a 10lb 5oz hippo. And never again wear pale grey trousers. And if you must, in fact – although I can’t envisage any scenario in which the above wouldn’t be optional – do either of the above, then don’t forget the Tena Lady.
Haha, I read this when it was originally on rookie mistakes. Still making me cry with laughter – thanks 🙂
Awww thanks for reading again and taking the time to comment! x
Hahahaha – love this! I’ve been lucky not to have too many issues with my pelvic floor, but I’m only one baby in so far, so I guess there’s still time to f*** it up.
It was my second which ruined me 😉 He was a hippo though, so I was never going to come out of that unscathed…! X
**Crying** That is hilarious and actually quite scary and true what the hell happens to our pelvic floor?! Lesson learned – stay away from trampolines! x
Depressing, isn’t it?! 😉
Haha, this really made me chuckle although I do feel bad for you, you’ve definitely put me off going on a trampoline again! #bigpinklink
Yes the phrase ‘remember your Kegel floor exercises’ has occasionally been popping into my head now I’m pregnant with number two. I think I’ll be avoiding trampolines for a good few years on your advice!! #chuckemums
I already commented on this when it came out, I wouldn’t say I pissed myself laughing because I have an EXCELLENT pelvic floor – but close to 😉
#chucklemums
I know your pain, the fifth kid took my pelvic floor with him when he came out, trampolines are my nemesis now #chucklemums
Oh noooo! You know what I renamed the trampoline? The Knicker-Wetter-Boob-Wrecker…I think I should trademark it…thanks so much for linking again my lovely #chucklemums
Classic Beta Mummy, you never disappoint! surely there’s a book deal in the offing? X
That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Know any publishers?! 😉 x
Ahahaha!! Oh noooooo! This is hilarious but I’m laughing with you I promise!! Am I the only one absolutely desperate to know the two you binned off?! Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink
I might publish them at some point…! 😉 x
Ah man, damn that pelvic floor… Ha ha did you throw those trousers away? #chucklemums
Nah, a bit of pee doesn’t bother me! They are firmly schlomping trousers now though 😉
I enjoy your posts so much – makes me laugh out loud! #bloggerclubuk
Ha ha knew what the story would be but still had to check it out. Sharing with all my smug friends who single-handedly keep Tena in business x
haha brilliant ! #bloggerclubuk love your doodles 🙂
Hah hah! Love it. You must have had a few vinos, don’t think I’d dare attempt a trampoline having only recently given birth (perhaps maybe never now!) Yes, come on, spill the beans on number 1 and 2 stories please! x #BloggerClubUK
Come on, don’t tease us, we NEED the other two as well 🙂 Jeez, I’d have had to be paralytic to get on that trampoline, even doing “hop little bunny” on full clench is risking it for me and I’ve only had one!! #BloggerClubUK
Oh I am crying – literally – you are so bloody funny! #BloggerClubUK
There are many times I feel disappointed about having had a C-section, but this was not one of them. I think we need to hear the 2 rejected stories though! #chucklemums
Here I was hoping for a 2nd child and a career as a trampolinest (they exist don’t they?). Which to choose!?
Hilarious!! I will avoid all trampolines (and bouncy castles while I’m at it) for all future years! Just in case…
10lbs 5oz?! I nearly wet myself just thinking about that!Love the drawing as ever. xx
Oh dear! It’s awful but also quite funny. Agreed kids parties are no good without a few tasty drinks for the grown ups. I can see why jumping on the trampoline seemed like a good idea at the time! lol Thanks so much for linking up with #bloggerclubuk x
“Pelvic floor decidedly less taut than the trampoline” ???
You always crack me up!
Oh, and by the way, you are too modest; your ‘doodles’ are real works of art! ?
Hahaha! We’ve all been there if we’re being honest!! I like the better bra comment too ?#chucklemums