Ugh, I know.  It’s not my favourite part of being a woman, either.  But of all the things to prioritise, of all the times that it’s important to practise a bit of self-care, getting your smear tests (cervical screening) done regularly has got to be near the top of the list.

I had mine done today.  It was fine.  Thankfully I had neither of the Feral Children with me, otherwise I’m sure they would have taken great delight in having a good old peer at my bits, and then no doubt in telling the poor cashier in the supermarket.  (Last time I was shopping with the boys, FC#1 announced, completely out of the blue: “My daddy doesn’t live at our house anymore”…  Followed shortly by “My mummy is 32”.  I’m sure that Valerie would be overjoyed to hear about my lady parts along with the rest of my private life).

Anyway, back to this morning.  I hadn’t been expecting to have my smear today – I went to the doctor about something vaguely related, and bemoaned the fact that I needed to take more time off work next week for my smear appointment.  “I can quickly do it for you now, if you like?”, my lovely GP offered. “Oh, ok – if you want to!” I replied – like there’s nothing she would rather do…

I took off my pants behind the drawn curtain, bemused as always at the way that the doctor gives us that little bit of privacy when in thirty seconds’ time she is going to be having a good old gander at my floodlit fandango.  Then I assumed the position: feet together, knees apart, and awkwardly waited for her to reappear whilst feeling ever-so-slightly thankful that I’d given my lady garden a cursory hack last night.  We proceeded to  have a lovely chat about our kids and how her little boy is starting school in September and how it’s difficult juggling everything as a working mum – whilst she popped in the (larger-sized since I had children) speculum and had a ferret around inside my vajayjay with the funny little toothbrushy thing.

It was over in a trice (what exactly is a trice?) and I went about my day none the worse for wear, just a little squelch of NHS lube to remind me that today I did a GOOD THING.  Go me!  I’m taking care of myself!  You should too, ladies – when was your last smear test?  If it’s been three years or more, make time to give your GP surgery a ring.  You won’t regret doing it, but you might regret not.

More info about cervical screening here on the NHS website.

And lots of great information here too on the Jo’s Trust website.

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