I Will Never Be An Alpha Mummy

This post is a little outside my comfort zone.  Doodles are my thing – they’re my creative comfort, my tool for sharing my thoughts and humour.  Poems – not so much (although I’ve published one before).  But the line about the skinny white jeans came into my head one day and wouldn’t go away until I wrote this.  I saw this mum walking down the street with two children, wearing skin tight brilliant white jeans, with a white top, amazing blonde hair, massive sunglasses, and the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen.  Seriously – how does anyone with young kids get away with wearing white trousers?!  Answers on the back of a postcard, please.

So anyway, here’s my poem, inspired by skinny jeans lady.

doodle of Beta Mummy and her two feral children , and stupid cat.

Skinny White Jeans

A Poem by Beta Mummy

I will never be an Alpha Mummy, tanned, in skinny white jeans.

My jeans are tight, the knees are baggy, and white ones would never stay clean.

I will never be an Alpha Mummy, glowing, with make-up pristine.

My skin is practically see-through, and my eyebrows a sight to be seen.

I will never be an Alpha Mummy, smiling in my new 4 x 4.

My car is old and decrepit, it smells and there’s a dent in the door.

I will never be an Alpha Mummy, stylish in an effortless way.

My clothes are stuck in the 90’s, but they’ll be cool again one day…

I will never be an Alpha Mummy, house out of Home & Garden.

I live amongst chaos and squalour (I’m sorry I can’t let you in).

I will never be an Alpha Mummy, crafting and baking with the kids.

It always goes wrong and ends up looking nothing like the picture did.

I will always be a Beta Mummy: trying my best, but I often fail.

I’m barely swimming, almost drowning – but Beta Mums always prevail.

You see, we all are Beta Mums, imperfect but that’s okay.

We live, we love, and we survive –  with a gin at the end of the day!

Liked it? Take a second to support Beta Mummy on Patreon!

  • Wave to Mummy 10/08/2017 at 10:07 pm

    Ha ha love it! I’m also oh awe with these white wearing alpha mummies 😀 I wish I could wear it too 😀

    • Beta Mummy 10/08/2017 at 10:20 pm

      I reckon I could wear all white for approx 3 mins before it got ruined!


Leave a Comment