Why I f*cking hate the Autumn!


Autumn (or Fall, for my trans-Atlantic readers).  I hate it.  My Instagram feed is full of  people looking happy in cable-knit sweaters and kicking through leaves with their cherubic ruddy-cheeked children as the sun shines down from a brilliant blue sky.  Slow-cooker suppers and cinnamon lattes and plans for Halloween and Bonfire Night parties and cosy nights in.  But I make no excuses for being a miserable old bat when it comes to this time of year.

Alpha Mummy loves Autumn – of course she does.

Alpha Mummy loves:

  • crisp sunny days
  • scrunching through the fallen leaves
  • hot chocolate and marshmallows
  • cosy knits
  • movies and snuggles on the sofa with the kids
  • homemade root vegetable stews and foraged fruit crumbles
  • cuddling up on dark evenings with Alpha Daddy.


Doodle of Alpha Mummy joyfully skipping through the autumn leaves

Beta Mummy is not so keen:

  • sunny days are nice, but it’s bloody BALTIC – and actually, it’s mostly just rainy and windy
  • fallen leaves are often disguising dog shit
  • ok, ok, hot chocolate with marshmallows is nice. Especially with a shot of amaretto – oh yes!
  • cosy knits look frumpy and lumpy on a less than slender frame
  • the kids will not sit still for a whole movie, and talk through all the best bits
  • the kids will not eat food that is “all mixed up”
  • the more time I spend on the sofa, the less sorting my life out I will do…and I really do need to get on with that, believe me.

Doodle of Beta Mummy looking decidedly grouchy about the whole concept of the colder season.

Yes, I know, I’m being a grump.  I’m sorry.  I should embrace the season – and I do love that we have distinct seasons in England.  I just really hate the short days and dark evenings – I find it so restrictive as I don’t like going out after dark, and the kids miss playing outside after school.  Is it just me?!  Tell me I’m not the only grumpy arse.  All tips and ideas for enjoying the gloom most appreciated…

Liked it? Take a second to support Beta Mummy on Patreon!

  • Rebecca - Mother of the Circus 15/10/2016 at 9:41 am

    Well, when you put it like that! Ha ha I feel like this sometimes especially if I’m cooped up indoors with arguing kids, trashing every room in the house. And our movie nights sound exactly the same as yours. Lol. At the moment I’m enjoying the change and as the weather is still dry, at the moment, we’re enjoying getting out and just trying to get the kids to avoid the dog sh*t. I do love reading you blog. Xx

  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 15/10/2016 at 10:25 am

    It’s wet, it’s miserable and everyone is snotty. I’m with you!

  • Kelly Edwards 15/10/2016 at 5:17 pm

    I love autumn, but not the cold weather- I’m constantly in my hoody and try to find places indoors that we can go to when it’s miserable. Yes… soft play. But ONLY when it’s quiet!

  • kristin mccarthy 16/10/2016 at 9:04 pm

    Here in Michigan autumn is the best! I know it isn’t like that everywhere though. Your drawing KILL me.


  • Lisa Pomerantz 16/10/2016 at 11:47 pm

    I hear ya with every word! Especially those damned people who think it is okay to cover the poo with the leaves. What nerve! #EatSleepBlogRT

  • Catie: An imperfect mum 17/10/2016 at 7:34 am

    I must admit that I do like the cosines but it makes me a fat and lazy mummy as I seem to just hibernate for the autumn and winter. I need to learn it’s OK to go out in the dark. Thank you for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRT ?

  • Sharon Parry 17/10/2016 at 2:04 pm

    I can add a few. Winter vomiting disease (norovirus) which starts in November, high school applications, personal bloody statements on UCAS forms for Uni and teens wanting to host Halloween parties in my house! #EatSleepBlogRT

  • Fran Back With a Bump 18/10/2016 at 7:26 am

    Yep I’m with you. I much prefer shove the kids in the garden summer days rather than cold dreary what shall we do autumn and winter days! The walk to school at the moment is a leaf and dog shit death trap! #chucklemums

  • James Hopes 18/10/2016 at 8:26 am

    Probably my least favourite season, but at least we’ve had a bit of sun this year so far! The boozy hot chocolate makes it worthwhile though! #chucklemums

  • thishappenedtometoday (Michelle) 18/10/2016 at 10:01 am

    It’s the drawings, always the drawing. You should put together a book, but I’m sure you’ve thought of that?
    Sorry, I love Autumn (eek!). Love a cosy knit, hot chocolate and a brisk walk!!
    Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

  • Jenny 18/10/2016 at 10:05 am

    Aww I still like it! I will not be dissuaded! Summer is too hot, winter is too cold and spring is also too cold but tricks you into thinking it will be warm. Autumn is the one for me!



  • Coffee & Bubbles 18/10/2016 at 10:49 am

    Sorry, but I’m a huge fan of this time of year. Despite having frizzy, static hair, dry hands and soggy feet, I think it’s great. I’m definitely going to try the shot of Amaretto though, thanks for the tip! #Chucklemums

  • Rhyming with Wine 18/10/2016 at 11:00 am

    Totally with you on the cosy knits front. I always think they look amazing and snuggly – on the sodding coat hanger. Once they are on I look like a sweaty, itchy walrus and spend aprox 4 months trying to stretch them down to cover my bum as they have of course shrivelled up to around 1/3 of their original size because tumbledryer. #chucklemums x

  • Beth 18/10/2016 at 11:03 am

    Buy new boots ? It always makes me feel happy for autumn. (Cheap ones from a supermarket of your choice obviously!!!)

  • Daydreamer mum 18/10/2016 at 11:44 am

    I’m an autumn fan.. in theory.. but actually coughs, colds and germs do really spoil it. Rainy school runs aren’t great either #chucklemums

  • DaisLikeThese 18/10/2016 at 1:03 pm

    I didn’t realise how much I hated autumn until I agreed with nearly all of Beta Mummy’s points!!
    Totally trying the Amaretto in hot chocolate!

  • Kristin McCarthy 18/10/2016 at 1:47 pm

    I am going to add the stress and anxiety of the impending holidays to the list. F off holilday season.

  • Ellen 18/10/2016 at 3:07 pm

    Haha! I’m actually a massive autumn fan. What I DO NOT like is when my house doesn’t go below 25 degrees even at 2am, I have to slather sun lotion on myself and the baby before we can go outside, attempt to keep him out of the sun, deal with him being infinitely grumpier because he’s too hot and getting bitten by mosquitoes, having allergic reactions to said bites and needing antibiotics. So actually autumn marks the joyous departure of summer!! ? But I agree on the dark evenings it does make life a bit more restrictive. And I’ve never cooked a stew in my life…#chucklemums

  • Peachy and her Mommy 18/10/2016 at 4:06 pm

    I wouldn’t mind the autumn if winter didn’t exist. I hate the cold, the snow, and that it’s dark most of the time. The coming of autumn signals the dread of shoveling snow, falling on slippery ice, dry skin, runny noses, being cooped up inside, and perpetual darkness. Makes me want to do my part to bring about global warming. Chucklemums

  • Ashley 18/10/2016 at 4:41 pm

    Eh….winders, falls anything remotely cold and wet are crappy! Everyone’s at each others throat – I’m with you!!!


  • Twin Pickle 18/10/2016 at 5:17 pm

    Being an Arizona desert Mum now I am mildly missing Autumn. It’s still breaking 30 degrees here and I would quite like to wear some boots and a scarf… how I miss my scarf!! #chucklemums

  • Single Mum Speaks 18/10/2016 at 5:22 pm

    I must admit I am an Autumn fan, once the shock of the new school term has worn off. My problem is I just keep buying more and more of the cost knits. they feel like an exciting novelty after the summer! January though. I am not looking forward to January. #chucklemums

  • Lauren 18/10/2016 at 5:55 pm

    I wouldn’t mind a beta daddy at this time of year…or actually at anytime of year ?

  • Becky (And Then There Were Two) 18/10/2016 at 8:16 pm

    I have to say I bloody love Autumn (and Im loving the juxtaposition of your post being right next to ‘Ten Reasons Why I Love Autumn’ on #chucklemums! But I think I love it so much because it feels like the countdown to Christmas and I love Christmas! I’m all over Pinterest pinning crap I’ll never do because I’m a lazy cow but it still all looks amazing online so I pin pictures and convince myself that THIS will be the Autumn I actually buy cinnamon sticks

  • and another ten things 18/10/2016 at 8:21 pm

    If only there was a post linked to #chucklemums this week that completely disagreed about everything in this post. *sigh* Except hot chocolate. We both agree on hot chocolate.

  • The Sleep Thief's Mummy 18/10/2016 at 9:02 pm

    Pahaha brilliant as ever. Sadly I still have ‘winter padding’ from last year ? #chucklemums

  • Mouse, Moo and Me Too 18/10/2016 at 9:46 pm

    I swear to god my skin was alright last week. Now, crepey dry flaky skin all over, esp knees and elbows. Lovely. Never get this shite in spring. #chucklemums

  • Kimberly 18/10/2016 at 11:27 pm

    Yes! Me too! On the skin and cold sore front.
    Where the hell does it appear from?! Grrr. *getshandcreamoutforoldladyhands*

  • Alice Nipper and Tyke 20/10/2016 at 8:30 pm

    I couldn’t agree more about the knitwear. Every year I think, “I must buy more warm clothes.” But then I never do because I look bloody awfun in warm clothes, so I just spend three quarters of the year being effing freezing. Bah.
    x Alice

  • Silly Mummy 24/10/2016 at 12:56 am

    Ooh, ooh, ooh – I like Autumn! Am I an alpha mummy now?? Did I just become an alpha mummy?? It’s okay, I know the answer: no, I’m just a big child who gets excited at the first hint of impending Christmas! #chucklemums

  • Halloween Pumpkin Lanterns: Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy Style - 30/10/2017 at 4:34 pm

    […] my favourite installation on the calendar, to be honest.  This is partly because it falls during Autumn, which I make no secret of disliking.  It’s just after the clocks go back, which means I’m […]


Leave a Comment