Beta Mummy Cooks…Lasagne

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I’m no Alpha Mummy – I’m not a great cook, I don’t have a pristine, marble-topped kitchen, and I don’t have the time to lovingly prepare nutritionally-balanced food for my family at every single meal.  But I do try…so I decided that I would share some of the things I’ve learned along the way, by featuring some extremely special Beta Mummy recipes on my website.

I started off nice and easy last time with cheese on toast, but today I’ve bravely gone for something a little more complicated.  I would not recommend attempting this on a work night – save it for the weekend when you’ve got a bit more time on your hands.  Stick the kids in front of CBeebies and let’s get started with Beta Mummy’s Lasagne recipe:


  1. Brown mince in frying pan, add onions and garlic and keep stirring so the garlic doesn’t burn.
  2. When it’s looking browned and tasty, add chopped mushrooms.
  3. I also add grated carrots in the vague hope that the kids won’t notice some extra sneaky veg (heaven forbid they should actually eat a recognisable piece of carrot)
  4. Add some passata and some mixed herbs (from a jar).
  5. Let it simmer whilst you cook the white sauce.
  6. Get confused about quantities of butter and flour, and end up with a milky, lumpy mess.
  7. Chuck it all away and decide you’re having Spag Bol instead.
  8. Put the spaghetti on to cook.
  9. Scrape the crusty bits of the Bol off the bottom of the pan every so often.
  10. Drain the spaghetti, and mix with the bolognese in true Italian fashion – pour yourself a nice Pinot whilst you’re at it (when in Rome and all that…)
  11. Put it in front of the kids, and then cry when they shout that it’s “scustin” and demand chicken nuggets instead.
  12. Shout at the children for being so ungrateful and that children starving in Africa would love a bit of homemade Spag Bol.
  13. Scrub at your once-upon-a-time-white kitchen walls with a baby wipe, whilst downing your wine and watching the children triumphantly eat dry crackers and baby fruit puree (their favourite, weirdos) for their tea.
  14. Swear never to bother cooking a proper meal again.

picture of lasagne

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  • Sarah - Mum & Mor 15/08/2016 at 7:33 am

    I was getting hopeful! “Oh wow! A lasagne recipe I could try!”, since mine always goes sloppy… then it changes to spag bol! I’m laughing a lot right now. Your posts are great! #triballove

  • Sarah 15/08/2016 at 7:40 am

    Hahaha! You can use my mac n cheese sauce for lasagne 😀 xx

  • Becky Sparklymummy 15/08/2016 at 7:55 am

    Omg I’m crying with laughter this is every dinner time in my house whatever I cook there is always someone turning their nose up at it !

  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 15/08/2016 at 7:42 pm

    I want my money back. I came here expecting a lasagne recipe! Haha this sounds familiar. You should write a cookbook #chucklemums

  • Right Royal Mother 15/08/2016 at 8:09 pm

    Aargh. I can’t make lasagne OR spag bol. I can do cheese on toast (at a push). Love the graphic at the bottom. #chucklemums

  • notaneffingfairytale 16/08/2016 at 6:10 am

    “Scrub at your once-upon-a-time-white kitchen walls with a baby wipe, whilst downing your wine and watching the children triumphantly eat dry crackers and baby fruit puree (their favourite, weirdos) for their tea.”

    Every. Single. Day!

  • notaneffingfairytale 16/08/2016 at 6:11 am

    oops ……#chucklemums

  • Fran Back With a Bump 16/08/2016 at 6:23 am

    Love this, I’ve made quite few meals and had my daughter pull a face so she’s ended up getting a mouthful at the table about how long it’s taken me blah blah blah!! Bloody kids! #chucklemums

  • Nursery Whines 16/08/2016 at 6:58 am

    This made me chuckle. I have two unopened packets of lasagne sheets in my cupboard – one that we moved house with. I love it but it’s such a faff, even before I had a baby! #Chucklemums

  • Gemma Nuttall 16/08/2016 at 7:03 am

    It’s like you’ve been watching me in my kitchen…
    All my mince based dishes are the same according to my husband. Bolognese, chili, cottage pie. They only differ based on what I serve them with. Rice, pasta or mashed potato…
    Sod him.
    Brilliant as always Beta Mummy!!!

  • Emma 16/08/2016 at 7:12 am

    Haha, I have so many of those bloody lasagne sheets in my cupboard as in theory great idea, in reality too much like hard work and why bother when they will just be eating crackers and peppa pig yoghurts! #chucklemums

  • Laura - Threesypeasy 16/08/2016 at 7:31 am

    Ha for a minute I thought I was in for a serious recipe post and was expecting a guide to cooking lasagne from scratch – very good. Once upon a time I used to cook from scratch, then I had three kids! impossible. #chucklemums

  • Kelly 16/08/2016 at 8:02 am

    Ha ha I have a similar recipe for pie that turns into casserole when the bloody pastry goes wrong or I forget to buy frozen. The children actually roll their eyes now when I announce pie for dinner – lovers!

  • Lisa Pomerantz 16/08/2016 at 8:39 am

    The Anti-Recipe Cookbook! I think it would be a smash hit everywhere, as the wee ones demand mac and cheese or pizza for every meal. You do get points for trying! M’wah! #chucklemums

  • Lisa Pomerantz 16/08/2016 at 8:40 am

    #chucklemoms Thanks for hosting!

  • James Hopes 16/08/2016 at 9:42 am

    My lasagne recipe works – 1. buy ready made microwaveable lasagne from shop. 2. Pierce film lid. 3. Press 5. 4. Remove film lid. 5. Eat. Happy to help.

  • Suzanne 16/08/2016 at 11:55 am

    Mine usually ends with ‘realise you have no spaghetti so have to use novelty penis shaped pasta that’s stuffed right at the back of the cupboard’. #chucklemums

  • Harriet Miller 16/08/2016 at 1:45 pm

    I’ll never be brave enough to attempt lasagne. Especially when I know most of it will be scraped off the floor. Bizarrely, I seem to be raising a veggie. He’ll happily guzzle down his fruit and veg whilst ignoring all the meaty goodness. Little weirdo! #chucklemums

  • YOU THE DADDY 16/08/2016 at 1:55 pm

    My kind of recipe…seriously, I think we may be cooking twins. Got shouted at by the pregnant wife last night for ‘incorrectly’ making a green salad…FML #chucklemums

  • Becky (And Then There Were Two) 16/08/2016 at 2:47 pm

    Ha ha. It’s even more annoying when, just yesterday, the kids favourite meal was spag chuffing bol. Which they suddenly gag at. If I didn’t force them to eat the odd stew here or there my kids would survive entirely on fish fingers, chips and beans. Grim. Thanks for co-hosting #chucklemums

  • Lucy at occupation: (m)other 16/08/2016 at 7:03 pm

    Oh heavens lasagne…it pretty much always ends up as spag Bol here as I get halfway through and can’t be bothered to do the rest. It ends up as just Bol for my son though, he won’t eat the spag bit. Ho hum…ooo grated carrot, I hadn’t thought of that…a great culinary tip! And if my son could live on baby pouches and dry crackers he definitely would. He tells me he’ll like fresh fruit when he’s a big girl. I fear I could be waiting a while… #chucklemums

  • Laura @ 2 Travelling Tots 16/08/2016 at 8:04 pm

    pa ha ha! sounds like my kind of lasagne….the white sauce gets me every time….I figured that’s what the stuff in a jar is for! #chucklemums

  • Jenny 16/08/2016 at 8:16 pm

    I’ve had my food called scustin (and sustin) in my house. My boy an’t verbally insult me yet so just winces and shudders when I dish up my finest delicacies!

  • Turning Up In Devon 16/08/2016 at 8:20 pm

    I was a bit concerned it was going to be a *serious* post, I should have known better. LOL at ‘scustin’ , and my daughter still loves a baby fruit pot aged 6 so there’s no hope!! #chucklemums

  • Mouse, Moo and Me Too 16/08/2016 at 8:43 pm

    I was right with you until number 6. Jar, jar, all the way. OR, for a disgustingly healthy take that makes Mr Moo weep, just blob about some cottage cheese. #chucklemums

  • One Messy Mama 16/08/2016 at 9:04 pm

    I’m sure it wasn’t THAT bad.. Really.. Was it? Nothing like little crusty bits to chew on.. Yum 🙂 #chucklemums

  • Sarah and Louise 16/08/2016 at 10:02 pm

    I do a mean lasagne, really, like the best lasagne you’ll ever taste. It’s totally awesome.
    But it’s fiddly, creates shit loads of washing up and the kids absolutely hate it and cry snot bubbles in to their plate if I try and make them eat it.
    Thank god for wine.. #chucklemums

  • Agent Spitback 16/08/2016 at 10:06 pm

    Bwahahaha….this is hilarious! Sounds like my place at dinner time. It’s always those chicken nuggets – I never ever want to see them.

  • Mummy Muckups (Anna) 16/08/2016 at 10:08 pm

    Saw this and thought, another perfect Mum recipe; blah, blah, blah…Read it and realised; soooo me; ha ha ha!! #chucklemums

  • Cheryl @ Tea or Wine 17/08/2016 at 1:00 pm

    Hah! Yeah can so relate to this. I often try and feed my kids spag bol with lots of hidden vegetables and they still manage to pull and poke it apart with lots more going up the walls! A recipe book of similar ideas would work well I think! #ChuckleMums x

  • Alison (MadHouseMum) 18/08/2016 at 4:48 pm

    When you said, ‘lasagne’, I was like: you what! If there’s one dish I NEVER make…and then it just got so funny 🙂 Alison x #chucklemums

  • Silly Mummy 21/08/2016 at 10:31 pm

    Haha! Sounds about right! I don’t make lasagne. I don’t even make spag bol, as can’t stand the smell or taste of mince! #chucklemums

  • Alan Herbert 25/08/2016 at 1:16 am

    I told my kids what’s in a chicken nugget Jamie Oliver stylee and they still eat them.
    Alrhough I had a proud Daddy moment when they turned their nose up at someone else’s lasagne saying it wasnt as nice as mine.

    Great post , thanks for hosting #chucklemums

  • Relentlesslypurple 14/09/2016 at 4:44 pm

    This sounds like me attempting to cook haha! The Mr nails it daily whilst I struggle with tray food ??

  • wendy 19/11/2016 at 10:48 pm

    Actual lol at “scustin” and demanding chicken nuggets instead and getting cross as there’s starving kids who’d love that, so shurrup.
    Are you me?! Exact scenario here lol, they drive you crackers!!


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