Yoga T’be Joking: Beta Mummy Does the Downward Dog

Oh brilliant – yoga! I thought.  A form of exercise which involves a sit down, a nice stretch, and a bit of a snooze at the end.  That sounds right up my street, much more appealing than *shudder* running.  Despite my Beta Mummy status, I too now could be a lean, lithe, green smoothie-drinkie healthy type, just like Alpha Mummy!

Sadly, and perhaps inevitably, it turns out that I’m not really cut out for yoga.

It goes without saying that Alpha Mummy is very much cut out for yoga.  Pre-children, her and her husband took year-long sabbaticals during which they lived in a Tibetan mountain retreat and practised yoga daily.  Probably tantric sex too.  Anyhow, she’s a full-on expert, totally bendy and even in lycra you’d never guess that she’d had two babies.


I hate all exercise these days – or should I say it hates me – and I look rather like an over-filled sausage casing when I attempt to squeeze into my old gym gear.  I was advised that yoga would be good for my poor, collapsed, knackered old core, as well as help me with my rage relax and enjoy some “me time”.  It wasn’t good at all.  AT ALL.


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  • Helen 15/11/2016 at 8:47 am

    I tried mummyfit once, the babies all playing- one sleeping in his pram all snug -while mummies did circuits. Except mine screamed for 40 minutes solid, calmed only by the instructor holding him or me using him as a weight, then he threw up from all the swinging about. If ever there was a sign…

  • The Aloha Mummy 15/11/2016 at 10:41 am

    I haven’t gone back to yoga since Bubs but instead have a home DVD which I start with good intentions but end up watching with a cuppa and a jelly baby I found whilst in a position where I could see under the sofa!!! Do love Pirates though! Have you tried?!!! #chucklemums

  • daydreamer mum 15/11/2016 at 11:54 am

    Oh I thought yoga was just laying there (possibly dozing) you’ve got to start taking part in contortionism?? Yeah I’m out!! #chucklemums

  • Turning Up In Devon 15/11/2016 at 12:39 pm

    Bloody hilarious! I used to do Yoga pre kids and the instructor slash guru used me as an example of how not to do it!! And the parping from unusual places whilst in the upside down positions………#chucklemums

  • and another ten things 15/11/2016 at 12:50 pm

    I definitely fart too much in yoga for it to be my go-to exercise. Pregnancy yoga was good – everyone farts in that.

    Ps. my phone just changed ‘definitely’ to ‘effeminately’ which I kind of like in the above sentence. #chucklemums

  • kristin mccarthy 15/11/2016 at 12:57 pm

    I used to do hot yoga…I would slip onto my face from all of my dripping sweat. Sexy I know.

  • Sarah and Louise 15/11/2016 at 4:57 pm

    Glad it’s not just me who *parps* in yoga..

  • Laura - Threesypeasy 15/11/2016 at 5:32 pm

    I used to do yoga and thought it was alright, was never the best at it though but after 3 kids crap pelvic floor and cockide hips then it just doesn’t work from me anymore … not very relaxing. Love the drawings as always #chucklemums

  • Nursery Whines 15/11/2016 at 8:55 pm

    I used to go to a yoga class with my sister when I was a teenager and all the other women in the class were post menopausal. During meditation time at the end there would be a lot of farting and we would get the giggles, every week. #chucklemums

  • Twin Pickle 15/11/2016 at 9:33 pm

    Bahahaha… I’m concerned about the pube on the mat. Where did that come from? Although it is surprising how often you find a random pube… keep your pants on people. #chucklemums

  • Mouse, Moo and Me Too 15/11/2016 at 9:57 pm

    I can’t straighten my legs at ALL and if I try too hard, I fart. Failing that, I doze off. Yoga is not for me! #chucklemums

  • Jenny 22/11/2016 at 5:47 am

    I know yoga might seem like a relaxing thing to try, but it’s actually real exercise and therefore terrible in my eyes! I would also love to be all lythe and bendy like alpha mummy, but I bet she never eats crisp sandwiches for breakfast, so who’s the real winner here?



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