Getting Naked with Beta Mummy

If you’ve given birth to a child or children, chances are you’ve got what the media like to refer to as a “mum bod”, or a “mummy tummy”.  Few of us manage to escape unscathed from the rigours and strain of growing, carrying, birthing and nurturing a baby over nine months and beyond.  But aren’t we supposed to lose the mum-tum?  Victoria Beckham managed it.  Myleen Klass managed it.  Maybe you’re just failing to put the effort in?

Alpha Mummy manages it, of course she does.  Looking at her you’d never even know that she’d ever had a baby – look at those dimple-free thighs, those gravity-defying breasts, and that taut tummy!  She looks better than most of us Beta Mummies ever even looked pre-kids!  And all with absolutely minimal effort, obviously.Alpha Mummy

Alpha Mummy's mum bod is marvellous

My delightful Feral Children love to point out my physical flaws.  At least, flawed is how I perceive those bits of my body that aren’t quite right.  “Right” by the standards of the glossy mags, TV, celebrity gossip columns and Hollywood films, that is.  The thing about kids is that they say it as they see it.  Yes, it’s true, my boobs do point at the ground.  And yes, my tummy is wrinkly and wobbly like jelly.  It’s sometimes hard not to resent the little darlings a little for “ruining” my body.  Hard as I try (and despite my feminist protestations) I simply can’t look at myself naked in the mirror and feel entirely happy about the state of it.

Beta Mummy

Beta Mummy's mum bod being criticised by her feral children.

It’s absolutely true that women’s bodies are incredible, there is no doubt about that.  And when I look at my body with a kinder eye I can feel proud of all that it’s done.  But to be honest I’d rather it had done all of those things and still managed to look good at the end of it all!  I’m a healthy weight (the top end of healthy, but healthy just the same), and I’ve started going to the gym again to make myself fitter and stronger.  But only surgery could un-crepe my skin and de-sag my breasts, and I’m not sure that even surgery could erase my deep and abundant stretch marks.


But there is something that I absolutely can do, and that I believe we all should do.  I can absolutely be naked in front of my children.  I can show them one of the many variations of what an average “mum bod” looks like.  I can explain to them about what the various parts of my body does or has done (although I draw the line at allowing them to “see the hole that I came out of”!).


And most importantly of all – I will never EVER let my children see or hear me criticise my physical appearance.  As far as they are concerned I am bloody awesome, my body is super-strong and mums are amazing because they make babies and do other good stuff too.  Enough said.

How do you feel about your (or your partner’s) “mum bod”?  Do you feel robbed, or do you think it’s just par for the course for things to change once you have kids?  Are you working hard to “get your body back”, or are you happy to chill for now?  I’d love to know!

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  • Oh Lucy 03/06/2017 at 8:43 pm

    I would blame kids for my mumbod, but truth be told it wasn’t exactly not a mum-bod before I was even a mum!

    I can, however, blame them for sitting and wiggling my belly around like a bowl full of jelly for hours on end giggling. Especially after I’ve said how wonderful my belly was for housing a baby for 9 months!

    Lucy xx


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