Say Mama…or Why Does Daddy Get All The Glory?!

What were your babies’ first words?

My babies are not really babies any more.  I am Mum, not Mummy or Mama.  At the time of writing they are 3 and 5 years old, and smelly and argumentative.  They answer back, dispute just about everything I say, and scream and shout until I genuinely have to insert ear plugs.

But once upon a time, they couldn’t speak, except in baby language – goo, gaa, arrrrrrgggggghhhhhh, etc.  And how I longed for them to speak!  I spent hours each day, in the latter throes of maternity leave, and when I was working part time, sitting face to face with them, practically begging them to talk.  

Their first word was important.  What would it be?  Whatever it was, it would be recorded in their baby book (not strictly true, sorry kids) and remembered forever.  So these hours I spent, teaching and willing them to talk, mostly consisted of me saying “Say Mama!  Ma….Ma.  Ma….Ma.  Mama!”  I was determined that Mama would be their first word.

They would stare back at me, mute.

Then “Goo!” they’d declare, pointing at the radiator.  “GAGA!” they’d shout, pressing their face against the washing machine.

This would go on for several, increasingly-mind numbingly boring hours.

“God this is boring”, I’d mutter at about 2pm, “When will Daddy be home?”

“I bet Daddy’s having a lovely day at work, drinking coffee and talking to real life grown ups”

“Daddy had better not work late in the pub tonight”

“Where the hell is Daddy, anyway?”


Eventually Daddy came home.  “Dada!” came the joyful exclaim from my little treasure.  The little treasure that I’d, you know, fed and changed and nurtured and entertained all f*cking day, practically every single bloody day since they were born.  Ungrateful swine.

Bastard Daddy.


p.s. The other Feral Child’s first word was “bird”.



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