Beta Mummy is Beach Ready!


I have a hatred of that little phrase/descriptor. It is always used to sell exercise regimes and magazines and shitty fad diets – and by extension to make women feel crap about themselves if they are anything other than a fitness model. It implies that if you’re not “beach ready” as they describe, perhaps you’d better not go to the beach – and my god, woman, don’t you dare think about wearing a bikini – MY EYES, MY EYES!!

I’m short and a bit “cuddly”, but I’m beach ready.
My hair is wind-blown and unwashed, but I’m beach ready.
I’m tired and can’t be arsed with makeup, but I’m beach ready.
I’m lily-white and have to use the kids’ Factor 50, but I’m beach ready.
I have more body hair than is probably deemed socially acceptable these days, but I’m beach ready.
My tummy is covered with stretch marks, but I’m beach ready.
My breasts are victims of two babies and gravity, but I’m beach ready.
I haven’t had a pedicure in years and my feet look like Frodo’s, but I’m beach ready.
My thighs touch at the top, but I’m beach ready.

I got up this morning, I got ready to go to the beach. There. Beach ready.

Are you beach ready?!

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