Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy Camp It Up.

A couple of weekends ago, I took Feral Child #1 and Feral Child #2 camping. I kind of wonder if there’s actually much point in writing this post, because let’s face it, you can imagine how it’s going to go, can’t you?!

I’m going to keep this post short and sweet because a) I think the doodles speak for themselves, and b) I’ve just hosted FC#1’s fourth birthday party (Beta Mummy-style) AT MY HOUSE and I am now exhausted and need to sit quietly in a darkened room with a stiff gin.

(Yes, there will be a post about that, once I’ve recovered).

Anyway, back to the camping. ย Alpha Mummy epitomises what I always imagined camping with my offspring would be like – good wholesome fun, Fat Face catalogue-looking children enjoying the great outdoors, and of course entirely stress-free due to exemplary advance planning.

Alpha Mummy has single-handedly erected her yurt, and equipped it with everything they need, including fairy lights and a guitar for a family sing-song. They are all set for a calm and relaxed family holiday, with plenty of opportunity for learning along the way. Alpha Mummy herself looks totally glam, as always.


Whereas my camping trip was pretty much along these lines….

Rain clouds threaten overhead as Beta Mummy attempts to cook sausages on a disposable barbeque whilst clutching a bottle of wine. One of the children is doing a runner whilst the other stuffs his face with marshmallows. The tent is wonky and the air bed has a puncture.

Thankfully, I actually went with a group of friends – nine kids between nine adults, which is a more favourable ratio. ย And luckily (for me), they were all far more organised than me, and made up for my equipment shortcomings and domestic failings – thank you friends!

One of them kindly even took this lovely photograph of me and my youngest, capturing a typical moment in my life. ย He’s swigging cider out of my can, which I fail to notice due to looking into the distance for his big brother, who I’ve just realised has disappeared.


But Beta Mummy is totally a fictional character. 100%. Yup. ย Move along Mrs Social Services, nothing to see here.

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  • Ruth Jayne 20/06/2016 at 9:14 am

    Haha love it! I’m all in favour for using camping as an excuse for some day time drinking! x

  • Dr Mummykins 20/06/2016 at 9:48 am

    Always comedy!! Hahahaha! The photo at the end is hilarious too! I’m still giggling away to myself as I type haha! (No, I’ve not been daytime drinking.) x #triballove

  • Motherhood IRL 20/06/2016 at 10:12 am

    This is the best! And I just love the photo at the end. Screw Alpha Mummy; I bet her kids would be bored shitless all the time.

  • Lucy 20/06/2016 at 10:52 am

    No kid really wants to do a camp sing-a-long, do they? Or be forced to do educational activities?

    I think they would much rather be sneaking a swig of Mummy’s cider, or running around! (I love that picture by the way! I have a similar picture of Mini-Me diving head first into my wine glass with her fist firmly clamped around the stem!)

    Lucy xx

  • Louise 20/06/2016 at 10:52 am

    Lol, your camping trip sounds much like I imagine mine would be like if I ever attempted one! That photo did make me chuckle – I have a similar one of my youngest with a can of G&T (thankfully the can had yet to be opened though!) #triballove

  • Petite Pudding 20/06/2016 at 11:46 am

    Bahahah this would be us if we went camping complete with torrential rain and mahussive temper tantrums! #triballove

  • mumworkrepeat 20/06/2016 at 6:01 pm

    Brilliant as always and the daytime drinking is compulsory when you’re camping!
    P.S I have a confession…I have solar fairy lights ?

    • The Adventures of Beta Mummy 20/06/2016 at 6:03 pm

      I’ll Iet you off as long as you don’t sing kum by yah round the campfire…! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • mumworkrepeat 20/06/2016 at 6:17 pm

        Hell no, I might end up dancing around it though after a few too many glasses of “mummy’s juice”!

  • Lisa 20/06/2016 at 8:22 pm

    Ha! I laughed so hard reading this because we just took our kids camping for the first time. Much the same as your experience except I would add that we had the joy of raccoons attacking our coolers at night! Fortunately they didn’t take our booze…

    • The Adventures of Beta Mummy 20/06/2016 at 8:30 pm

      Ooh, racoons! How exotic ๐Ÿ˜‰
      I heard some slightly concerning noises outside our tent at one point, but I think it was probably just a hedgehog! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • mellyh83 21/06/2016 at 11:14 am

        Sorry about those…?

  • Over Heaven's Hill 21/06/2016 at 8:02 am

    Haha excellent yes I’ve heard that camping requires lots of willpower and day time drinking! I don’t drink so I better not go camping!! #chucklemums

  • thishappenedtometoday 21/06/2016 at 10:05 am

    ha ha. I love the drawings! Your ‘amazing hair’ in version one is hilarious (what were you thinking??) Going camping in Aug, No.1 child will be fine but I rightly have concerns about No. 2, 1-year-old much more feral boy. Might have to put him in a cage or something! #chucklemums
    thishappenedtometoday (Michelle @TH2MT)

  • motherhermit25 21/06/2016 at 10:14 am

    So funny- amazing drawings as usual! I’m glad to hear that day time drinking is acceptable when camping as I’m taking my two ‘glamping’ for the first time in a couple of weeks! x #chucklemums

  • Squirmy Popple 21/06/2016 at 12:28 pm

    Hahahaha – that picture is amazing. You’re brave to go camping with kids – I’m not sure I could handle the whole sleeping-outdoors thing on my own, let alone with a child. Wine would definitely be necessary. #chucklemums

  • turningupindevon 21/06/2016 at 12:41 pm

    Last time we went camping (and it will be the last time) my son complained about condensation in the tent in the morning FFS! we weren’t naturals shall we say! The problem with camping is it’s so ‘intense’ buh buuuum! x

  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 21/06/2016 at 2:10 pm

    Camping in general is painful… You have to be a certain kind of masochist to do it with kids, surely! Brilliant, thanks for joining #chucklemums!

  • min1980 21/06/2016 at 9:46 pm

    Brilliant as always! Love the photo at the end. I’m perversely looking forward to taking Piglet camping. For some reason, I seem to be harbouring fantasies of foraged morels and fairly lights. That will be the reality, right? #chucklemums

  • mumzilla 22/06/2016 at 9:22 pm

    I love these. Your new posts are always my favourite of the week! See you soon! #chucklemums

  • Sarah@teammomlife 23/06/2016 at 3:31 pm

    This is so funny! I have been terrified of going clung with my toddler. Have been avoiding for a year. Hopefully soon I’ll get over it and give it a go. #chucklemums

  • Laughing mum 26/06/2016 at 4:39 pm

    Haha! I flatly refused camping when the kids were little for these reasons exactly lol – at least your trying! So massive kudos there ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Oh and I once caught the preteen at a much younger age constantly dipping her dummy in nannies brandy! She slept well though so bonus points haha ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Sarah - Mum & Mor 26/06/2016 at 7:26 pm

    I love a bit of camping. Not so sure how much I’ll enjoy it when bringing my daughter though! #PuddingLove

  • colleyswobbles 26/06/2016 at 8:04 pm

    We’re supposed to be going camping in July with the kids (my first time), I’m scared, will make sure I have plenty of prosecco and cider, oh and gin, just in case of course. A brilliant post, thanks for the heads up ? Gem (aka Colleyswobbles) #puddinglove

  • whitecamellias 26/06/2016 at 9:39 pm

    You are very brave! I hate camping and have absolutely no idea of what to do or what I would ever need so I suppose my story would be a very big messy fail. Thank God for cooling bags and alcohol.Another very entertaining and brilliant post. #puddinglove

  • twotinyhands 29/06/2016 at 9:05 pm

    Been meaning to stop by this post for a while, being the seasoned alpha camper in the crew. I am not THAT Alpha though… no air bed or musical instruments here.. Plenty of wine and a baby that swigs his Daddys beer! #triballove

    • The Adventures of Beta Mummy 29/06/2016 at 9:14 pm

      Ha ha, you’re definitely closer to Alpha than me though…! ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

      • twotinyhands 29/06/2016 at 10:18 pm

        Is there a C option? Nope, do believe Gamma… Something for you to explore!

  • Petite Pudding (@petite_pudding) 01/07/2016 at 1:30 pm

    Popping back to share some #PuddingLove x


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