At the Airport with Alpha Mummy and Beta Mummy

Alpha Mummy and Beta Mummy are off on their summer holidays with kids in tow.  Let’s see how they’re getting on at the airport…

For Alpha Mummy, the journey is almost as much fun as the destination.  Alpha Mummy loves the excitement of planning holidays to the finest of details, the anticipation of the flight, and she even gets a thrill out of a 3.30am start to get to the airport in plenty of time.


Alpha Mummy starts packing the family’s suitcases at least two weeks in advance, ensuring that everything is freshly washed and neatly folded to optimise space in the bags.  Alpha Daddy does pack his own bag though, and helps the children pack their favourite toys and books etc, as he wouldn’t dream of leaving everything to his darling wife.  Alpha Mummy never goes on holiday without assembling a lever-arch folder containing carefully-researched information about the country they are visiting, the hotel, resort or town in which they are staying, as well as print-outs of restaurant reviews, booking confirmation of pre-arranged educational excursions, and colour photocopies of all of the family’s travel documents.  She always enjoys surprising the children on the first day with gifts of holiday journals in which they can excitedly draw and write about what they’ve achieved each day – a wonderful book of memories to look back upon!


The Alpha family arrive at the airport with just the right amount of time to spare – no stress, but no long wait either.  The children are calmly excited about their holiday, and are happy to carry their own little bags and walk through the airport without complaint or distress.  They are so delightfully polite to the check-in staff that the family are given an upgrade to First Class.

The Alpha family at the airport, all having a jolly marvellous time.

Beta Mummy booked this holiday on a bit of a whim, one evening when she’d had a couple of glasses of wine and was wistfully dreaming about the good old days when her and Beta Daddy had disposable income and annual leave to be used willy-nilly, and could just take off to far flung places at their leisure.


Unfortunately having children means that a simple week in a fairly mediocre resort in the Med now costs half the GDP of an average nation, due to having to book during the school holidays.  Plus the kids need their own seats on the plane, so bang goes another few hundred quid.  Beta Mummy, having not done her research has not yet realised that there is no kids’ club at the hotel, so she will not even get to drink cocktails all day on the beach whilst reading her first proper novel since pregnant with Feral Child #1.


The Beta Family arrive at the airport having overslept, got stuck in traffic, went to the wrong airport parking lot, and had to completely unpack two of the suitcases in the bus terminal in search of the children’s passports.  The passports which cost an absolute fortune due to having to fast track them at the last minute.  Feral Child #1 is crying because he is tired and would rather go camping.  FC#2 keeps abandoning his (tiny, fairly pointless) bag and doing a runner at every opportunity.


Beta Mummy is forced to cry at the check-in man because she didn’t pre-book seats on the plane and the children have been put miles away from her.  She looks at her watch and wonders whether 7.15am is too early for a drink (it’s never too early – time ceases to have meaning in an airport).  Beta Mummy has no idea why she bothered booking a holiday at all, because she can’t fathom how any amount of relaxing in the coming week (ha ha ha ha yeah, right) will possibly make up for the stress of getting there.

The Beta family at the airport.  Beta Mummy is having a totally shit time and is debating going home already.

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  • Mum-Work-Repeat 11/08/2017 at 7:24 am

    Another classic! Kids club is the first thing I check for now……I NEEEEEED that bit of time out

    • Beta Mummy 11/08/2017 at 7:27 am

      I do not blame you! Otherwise you might as well just be at home!


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