A Nice Lunch Out for Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy

A classic example of something which seemed like a good idea at some point. “I’ll take the kids out for a nice lunch”. Β By myself.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So here is how I imagined it would be, when in a moment of delirium I forgot that I am the not-so-proud owner of two feral children whose idea of “a nice lunch out” is very different from mine:


And here is the brutal, embarrassing reality. Β Every single bloody time. Will I never learn?


Liked it? Take a second to support The Adventures of Beta Mummy on Patreon!

  • moderatemum 09/04/2016 at 9:37 am

    I really appreciate the hip mismatched chairs πŸ™‚

  • homehugshuskies 09/04/2016 at 11:26 am

    So restaurant meals are meant to be eaten warm and by yourself? Haha. Great post! You’ve captured exactly what it feels like to take kids to a restaurant.

  • Karen 09/04/2016 at 9:39 pm

    Once again, I laugh out loud! I bet the grumpy old bat had a dinosaur when she was little! She needs wine too!

  • islandliving365 11/04/2016 at 8:07 am

    Oh yes you are so right, the more mismatched chairs there are the more hip a place is. Love this! This is my life. Why do our dreams never match the reality *sobs* πŸ˜‰

  • budgetfoodmummy 11/04/2016 at 8:27 am

    I’m definitely a Beta Mum when it comes to eating out with the kids!
    My son likes to throw food and my daughter likes to talk about bums at the top of her voice… I stick to eating a sandwich on a bench somewhere out the way now #bigpinklink

  • pinkpearbear 11/04/2016 at 10:16 am

    Oh dear! This is so familiar! At 5 and 3, we are ALMOST at your Alpha mummy picture, only on a very good day when everyone is rested though. There is hope,I promise. Then there is school and you get to go out on your own!! Win. Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

  • whitecamellias 11/04/2016 at 11:15 am

    Brilliant! It have just nodded my head and giggled the all way through your post πŸ™‚

    It’s all too familiar to me. In fact, I have decide that it’s better to eat at home. That way I can almost enjoy my food and don’t have to pay lots of money for being STRESSED AS HELL!!!!

  • Mrs Tubbs 11/04/2016 at 11:31 am

    So very true! For most of us, Beta Mummy is the reality and Alpha Mummy is the dream / aspiration / complete fantasy …! Love the drawings πŸ™‚

  • cherylbarry 11/04/2016 at 12:48 pm

    Yes, absolutely true! Why do we always delude ourselves thinking that perhaps “this time will be different”? Love your drawings! #BigPinkLink x

  • letyourlightshinemummy 11/04/2016 at 1:18 pm

    This is great, drawings are fab. We took our 4 & 1 year old last weekend, and the 4 year old announced he had done a poo, really loudly on returning to the table. Nothing like a nice Sunday lunch out.

  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 11/04/2016 at 6:08 pm

    I’m now most of the way through a blog post on this very subject, although it’s taking me ages to find the words that adequately describe the hell of lunch with the kids… whereas you have basically summed it up in one picture.

    Brilliant, as always! #bigpinklink

  • mumzilla 12/04/2016 at 12:17 pm

    I’m about to embark on a lunch date with my 5 year old. I’ve foolishly succumbed to pester power and let him have a lolly first – it’s not going to end well is it? Loving seeing our badge on these fabulous blogs! #chucklemums

  • Catie: Imperfect Mum 14/04/2016 at 7:42 am

    I love how you have the nutritious lunch v the crappy kids meal. That is so us!!! My son will only eat processed foods I swear. I totally get the mummy lunch going cold and in fact just referred to that in my Mummy’s law post so great minds! I’m definitely up for that 12 o’clock wine too. TY for linking up with #FamilyFun ?

  • Rhyming with Wine 14/04/2016 at 8:41 am

    12 O’clock wine = Necessity! After all, you were never actually going to manage to eat any food on a lunch out with the kids and you have to get your calories from somewhere. Love the grumpy old bat hehe. There’s always at least one isn’t there? πŸ˜‰

    Brilliant pics.
    #Coolmumclub x

  • queenofmycastlesite 14/04/2016 at 9:02 am

    haha this is brilliant. Pretty much right on the mark. :)your drawings are very cute and funny.

  • Mrs T (@SothisismeMrsT) 14/04/2016 at 11:45 am

    brilliant! enjoyed this very much #puddinglove

  • babiesbiscuitsandbooze 14/04/2016 at 3:07 pm

    Hilarious! I’m still at the eating one handed with the baby on my lap and trying to feed him discreetly stage, all this to come. #FamilyFun

  • breakfastclubmum 14/04/2016 at 4:12 pm

    So funny. The other day, an old lady came up to us in a cafe and said ‘your children are just divine’. I turned around to see who she was talking to because I couldn’t believe she was actually talking to us! We are the family that always leaves an establishment with most of our meal scattered on the floor and ends with us having to force a screaming toddler back into his buggy. I think we’re making progress! Great pic x

    • The Adventures of Beta Mummy 15/04/2016 at 11:46 am

      Gosh, well done! You’ll have to start wearing an Alpha Mummy badge! πŸ˜‰ (ooh I think I might have to make some Alpha/Beta Mummy badges…*idea*)

  • mummuddlingthrough 14/04/2016 at 6:48 pm

    Your posts are so spot on! I just agreed to do lunch with the girls and some friends next week…now I have the fear I may be Beta Mummy styling it 😐
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub!

  • Motherhood IRL 14/04/2016 at 7:00 pm

    This is so funny and SO TRUE! Sometimes I have the same Super Mum thought pattern and think YES! I CAN DO THIS AND IT WILL BE BRILLIANT. And it never fucking is.

  • Petite Pudding (@petite_pudding) 14/04/2016 at 7:07 pm

    Ha ha ‘hip’ mismatched chairs… I always imagine a similar scenario to the first drawing and like you the reality soon unfolds into picture 2. I just stick to a drive thru now if I really have to get food while we are out, or a car picnic (luckily thats not often!) Thanks for linking up again #PuddingLove

  • wendy 15/04/2016 at 7:52 am

    Oh this made me laugh a lot! That is exactly what happens when I take my boy out for lunch, sometimes he can be found climbing on the table as well as crawling under it. Great post xx #familyfun

  • Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu) 15/04/2016 at 8:29 am

    ahahaha your cartoons have me rolling on the floor in laughter

  • riverswritesblog 03/06/2016 at 4:46 pm

    Haha very accurate!! I’m glad it’s not just me!


Leave a Comment