Tag Archives : funny

Grow Your Own Veg with Beta Mummy


Grow your own! They said. It’ll encourage your kids to eat vegetables! They said. Well I grew my own – or at least attempted to – but did it bollocks make my fussy Feral Child #1 eat his veg.

A doodle of Beta Mummy having a smear test

Even Beta Mummy Remembers Her Smear Test…


Ugh, I know.  It’s not my favourite part of being a woman, either.  But of all the things to prioritise, of all the times that it’s important to practise a bit of self-care, getting your smear tests (cervical screening) done regularly has got to be near the top of the list.

 

Be(ta) My Valentine…


The vomit-inducing avalanche of red and pink hearts, novelty chocolates and fluffy handcuffs bombarding my senses every time I leave the house or switch on the TV can only mean one thing…the January sales are far behind us and it’s time to crack on with the next Capitalist date in the diary – Valentine’s Day.

5.56am


5.56am.  A time I see a little too often for my liking.  I hear a “Muuuuuuuuuum” calling from the bathroom, or a “thud thud thud thud” stomping along the hallway followed by a crash as the door is enthusiastically thrown open.  I mutter “for fuck’s sake” under my breath, open one eye and peer in the direction of my radio alarm clock which I no longer bother setting.  05:56.  05-fucking-56.  It always seems to be 5.56.

Beta Mummy Does the Downward Dog


Oh brilliant – yoga! I thought.  A form of exercise which involves a sit down, a nice stretch, and a bit of a snooze at the end.  That sounds right up my street, much more appealing than *shudder* running.  Despite my Beta Mummy status, I too now could be a lean, lithe, green smoothie-drinkie healthy type, just like Alpha Mummy!

Sadly, and perhaps inevitably, it turns out that I’m not really cut out for yoga.

Chucklemums Linky Week 28


Greetings, Chuckleheads!  Welcome back to Week 28 of the Chucklemums linky, bringing together the FUNNY posts from across the parenting blogger world.  I had the week off last week, which was just as well as I was struck down by the Dreaded Lurgy and was no use to anyone.  Being ill when you’re a mum is especially crap – my two Feral Children couldn’t have cared less that I was dying.

Chucklemums logo showing a large dinosaur drinking some wine, with a handbag. Beta Mummy is riding on the back, also with wine, and a pink Mouse sits on the tail.

Doodle of Alpha Mummy joyfully skipping through the autumn leaves

Why I f*cking hate the Autumn!


Autumn (or Fall, for my trans-Atlantic readers).  I hate it.  My Instagram feed is full of  people looking happy in cable-knit sweaters and kicking through leaves with their cherubic ruddy-cheeked children.  Slow-cooker suppers and cinnamon lattes and plans for Halloween and Bonfire Night parties and cosy nights in.  But I make no excuses for being a miserable old bat when it comes to this time of year.

Chucklemums Linky Week 23


Greetings Chuckleheads! Here we are again for yet another week of the frankly awesome Chucklemums Linky, Week 23.  That’s almost six months, scary. Happy October, one and all (I fucking hate October).

Chucklemums logo showing a large dinosaur drinking some wine, with a handbag. Beta Mummy is riding on the back, also with wine, and a pink Mouse sits on the tail.

Chucklemums Linky Week 21


Dear regular and devoted readers.  I’m  sorry I have been a bit lax on the doodling front lately – I’m afraid that real life has gotten somewhat in the way.  My “fans” (LOL) will know that FC#1 started school recently, so we’re still settling into that new routine.  I’m still (obviously, sigh) single-mumming it, whilst working almost full-time, managing a big construction project on site, and trying to sort out my divorce… my poor blog is suffering as a result.  However, I promise that this coming weekend I have set aside some hardcore doodling time.  (Not hardcore doodles, that would be sick and wrong…although could be rather hilarious…My linked post is the closest I’ve gotten to THAT sort of thing previously.)  Anyhow, I digress – do you think I’ve said “hardcore” enough times to trigger a spam warning in your firewall yet? – you will get some good old fashioned Alpha Mummy vs Beta Mummy doodles very soon.


Meanwhile, some things cannot stand still and wait for such trivialities as solicitors, mortgage companies and Type 6N granular fill.  Therefore, without further ado, I introduce the new and improved #Chucklemums blog linky!

A doodle of Alpha Mummy and Beta Mummy at the park with their kids. Alpha Mummy's child are waiting patiently for their turn on things, whilst Feral Child number 1 has climbed onto the roof of the fort, and Feral Child number 2 is climbing up the slide. Beta Mummy is oblivious to this as she is looking at Twitter on her phone.

A Trip to the Park with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


It has been pretty good weather this summer, so we’ve been making the most of it and spending lots of time outside.  As I’ve said before, this is not because I am an Alpha-parent – far from it.  It simply means less time for my feral children to trash the house.  Our trips out have included plenty of visits to the beach, and approximately 47 trips to the park…