Tag Archives : beta mummy

Halloween Pumpkin Lanterns…Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy Style.


Halloween isn’t my favourite installation on the calendar, to be honest.  This is partly because it falls during Autumn, which I make no secret of disliking.  It’s just after the clocks go back, which means I’m full of despair at the short days and the feeling that spring will never arrive and that we are doomed to darkness for ever and ever and ever…. 

doodle showing bedtime in the Alpha house and the Beta house. You can guess which one is a more relaxing affair...

Family movie day with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


A movie day with the family is such a nice idea, isn’t it?  When it’s blowing a hooley outside, and lashing with rain, sometimes it is really lovely to say “F*ck it, let’s stay in our pyjamas all day and watch films and eat popcorn and cuddle up together on the sofa”.

Beta Mummy praying for the end of this rainy day, the house is wrecked!

Rainy Day Survival with Beta Mummy and Alpha Mummy


“There’s no such thing as bad weather”, Alpha Mummies declare, “only bad preparation!”

I beg to differ.  When I wake up to another rainy day and the sound of the wind rattling my bedroom window, my heart sinks.  My Feral Children do not cope well with being penned up indoors.  But some days, it’s unavoidable.

Recycling Crap with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


Turns out this week (25th September – 1st October 2017) is Recycle Week! Which is handy as recycling happens to be the subject of my latest doodlings. Now I’m hoping that some of you can identify with me on this, because whilst I am a good little recycler, I can’t help but feel a little…Beta when I’m putting the recycling bin out.

Beta Mummy attempts a very unrelaxing bath with the feral children

Bath Time with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


Bath time in my house has never been part of our daily routine.  Being in the bath has never seemed to relax my kids – quite the opposite in fact – so it never made sense to do the whole dinner-bath-bed thing.  Also my kids are massive soap-dodgers, and I have zero energy left to argue by the end of the day.  Unfortunately it turns out that boys really start to stink as they get older…so every so often I have to dunk them, kicking and screaming, into the tub.

Wind the Mummy Up


Raise your hand if you, like me, will remember the words to the ubiquitous “Wind the Bobbin Up” until the day you die?  Recently I took the Feral Children to the library (I know, I know, big mistake – I only went because FC#1’s new teacher “suggested” that the children visit the library during the holidays,and it would be nice to look like a good parent at the start of the year at least) – and we just so happened to be there when Rhyme Time was on.

doodle of Beta Mummy and her two feral children , and stupid cat.

I Will Never Be An Alpha Mummy


This post is a little outside my comfort zone.  Doodles are my thing – they’re my creative comfort, my tool for sharing my thoughts and humour.  Poems – not so much (although I’ve published one before).  But the line about the skinny white jeans came into my head one day and wouldn’t go away until I wrote this.  I saw this mum walking down the street with two children, wearing skin tight brilliant white jeans, with a white top, amazing blonde hair, massive sunglasses, and the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen.  Seriously – how does anyone with young kids get away with wearing white trousers?!  Answers on the back of a postcard, please.

So anyway, here’s my poem, inspired by skinny jeans lady.

doodle of Beta Mummy and her two feral children , and stupid cat.

Grow Your Own Veg with Beta Mummy


Grow your own! They said. It’ll encourage your kids to eat vegetables! They said. Well I grew my own – or at least attempted to – but did it bollocks make my fussy Feral Child #1 eat his veg.

The Feral Child’s End of Year School Show


It’s that time of year again.  The academic year is drawing to a close, much to the relief of teachers everywhere. But before term ends, it’s time for the school play, or show, or end-of-term prize-giving, or whatever your child’s school calls it.  It’s a lovely time:  a time to celebrate our little ones and all that they’ve achieved over the year, and a time to sob a tiny bit at the fact that another year is over already.  And a time to curse the teachers as yet another note comes home in the book bag asking for a plain orange tee-shirt or twelve empty Pringles tubes, or an octopus costume, with a couple of days’ notice.