Tag Archives : beta mummy

Beta Mummy is Beach Ready!


BEACH READY.

I have a hatred of that little phrase/descriptor. It is always used to sell exercise regimes and magazines and shitty fad diets – and by extension to make women feel crap about themselves if they are anything other than a fitness model. It implies that if you’re not “beach ready” as they describe, perhaps you’d better not go to the beach – and my god, woman, don’t you dare think about wearing a bikini – MY EYES, MY EYES!!

Death by laundry…


Dirty laundry (the literal kind) is the bane of my existence.  I don’t know where it all comes from but it seems to breed like some kind of evil comic-book fungus.  Occasionally I find actual fungus, if I manage to get somewhere near the dark, dank depths of the lower reaches of my laundry basket.

Beta Mummy Doesn’t Share Her Chocolate!


Beta Mummy is rather possessive when it comes to her little sweet treats.  (She’s quite happy to share the kids’ chocolate, though, that’s totally fine). Alpha Mummy probably doesn’t eat chocolate (she’s one of those super-healthy, grow-your-own, gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, fruitarian, paleo, farmers’ market-buying, non-sugar eating types) but if she did it’d probably be the best chocolate in the world… …

Beta Mummy Dreads…WORLD BOOK DAY


Thursday 1st March 2018 is World Book Day.

Beta Mummies, do not panic! I repeat, DO NOT PANIC!

(OK, panic just a little bit, after all this is one of the most dreaded days of the school year for useless mothers like me who don’t do sewing or crafty shit).

Chicken Pox Survival: A Beta Mummy Guide.


Chicken pox is one of those crappy rites of passage we go through as parents – along with weaning, potty training, accidentally ingesting a bit of your child’s puke (no? Just me?), etc.  We have recently been through this particular delight, so I thought I’d write my very own Beta Mummy guide to coping with it.

Beta Mummy’s Attempt at Leaving the House


Leaving the house becomes a military exercise once you have children. A military exercise that involves pain, carnage, tears, shouting, and possibly loss of life, or at least loss of the will to live. These days, I have one child to get to nursery, one to get to school, and myself to get to work. Thanks to “flexible working”, I…

Beta Mummy gets Board to Death


I used to love a good board game, me. Scrabble, Monopoly, Rapidough – there’s a game for every sort of occasion, from a cosy Winter’s afternoon in with your love, to an increasingly-drunken night with your best mates.  Sigh.  I can’t remember the last time I played a proper grown ups game.  Now my occasional forays into board games involve either educational bollocks or spending three times as long setting the thing up as actually playing it. 

Visiting Santa with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


The annual Father Christmas visit with the children.  (I’m going to call him Father Christmas, because despite Santa being snappier and quicker to type, I am English and we call him Father Christmas.  So there.)