Nose-picking Shepherds and Bum-scratching Kings


Last week it was FC#1’s school nativity.  I like my son’s school for many reasons, but I particularly like the fact that they do a proper old-fashioned nativity.  None of this weird “holiday lobster/zebra/hamster” shit.  I am not remotely religious (far from it), but at this time of year you just can’t beat a good old sing-song at the local…

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Decorating the Tree: are you an Alpha or a Beta?


December is upon us – how did that happen?  This year has whizzed past and it seems like only yesterday I was grumbling and cursing as I forced all the Christmas decorations back into their boxes and gazed despairingly around at my naked, filthy-with-a-dusting-of-glitter house.  But here we are again. Christmas. Can I tell you a secret?  You may be surprised…

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Beta Daddy Series – Introducing Man of my Family


Welcome back for the third guest post in my Beta Daddy Series, where I shine the spotlight on the failings and celebratings of Beta (or Alpha) Dads, and deflect some scrutiny away from my own shortcomings for once.  As I explained previously, I have been asked many times about whether or not there is a Beta Daddy.  The short answer is…

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Beta Mummy Does the Downward Dog


Oh brilliant – yoga! I thought.  A form of exercise which involves a sit down, a nice stretch, and a bit of a snooze at the end.  That sounds right up my street, much more appealing than *shudder* running.  Despite my Beta Mummy status, I too now could be a lean, lithe, green smoothie-drinkie healthy type, just like Alpha Mummy! Sadly, and…

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Beta Daddy Series – Introducing Papa Tont


Welcome back for the second in my Beta Daddy Series, where I shine the spotlight on the failings and celebratings of Beta (or Alpha) Dads, and deflect some scrutiny away from my own shortcomings for once.  As I explained previously, I have been asked many times about whether or not there is a Beta Daddy.  The short answer is no, not…

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Soft Play: a Beta Mummy Utopia


Yes it’s true, I love soft play.  In a sort of hate it kind of way.  I love it because I can basically abandon my children in soft play (yes I’m that parent) and let them get on with it whilst I sit back safe in the knowledge that they’re unlikely to come to any serious harm.  It is called…

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Beta Daddies Series – Introducing A Life Just Ordinary


Welcome one, welcome all – drum roll please for my brand spanking new Beta Daddy Series (cue canned applause, whoops, etc).  As I explained previously, I have been asked many times about whether or not there is a Beta Daddy.  The short answer is no, not in my house, but just as there are many many Beta Mummies, surely there…

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Beta Mummies – We’ve Made It to Half Term!


We are approaching the first half term holiday of the school year.  How quickly did that go?!  It seems like only yesterday that I was writing about Feral Child #1’s first day at school, and now we’re already at half term.  I ponder  the gradual decline of my son’s appearance and general demeanor as fatigue sets in, on his part…

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Doodle of Alpha Mummy joyfully skipping through the autumn leaves

Why I f*cking hate the Autumn!


Autumn (or Fall, for my trans-Atlantic readers).  I hate it.  My Instagram feed is full of  people looking happy in cable-knit sweaters and kicking through leaves with their cherubic ruddy-cheeked children.  Slow-cooker suppers and cinnamon lattes and plans for Halloween and Bonfire Night parties and cosy nights in.  But I make no excuses for being a miserable old bat when…

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How to be a good friend to a newly-single mum


Splitting up with a long-term partner is really shit.  Whether it was her decision or his decision, on good terms or bad, it’s bound to be painful and upsetting.  Throw a kid or two (or more) into the mix, and things become even more difficult.  If you have a single mummy friend who has recently gone through a split from her husband…

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