Browsing Category : Beta Mummy Ramblings

Why I Bloody Love Octonauts.


Kids’ TV is generally eye-gougingly awful.  Before I had children, I was sure that they wouldn’t watch any TV at all prior to three years of age, and after that it would only be educational programmes, no more than half an hour per day.  Then I actually HAD children.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Wind the Mummy Up


Raise your hand if you, like me, will remember the words to the ubiquitous “Wind the Bobbin Up” until the day you die?  Recently I took the Feral Children to the library (I know, I know, big mistake – I only went because FC#1’s new teacher “suggested” that the children visit the library during the holidays,and it would be nice to look like a good parent at the start of the year at least) – and we just so happened to be there when Rhyme Time was on.

doodle of Beta Mummy and her two feral children , and stupid cat.

I Will Never Be An Alpha Mummy


This post is a little outside my comfort zone.  Doodles are my thing – they’re my creative comfort, my tool for sharing my thoughts and humour.  Poems – not so much (although I’ve published one before).  But the line about the skinny white jeans came into my head one day and wouldn’t go away until I wrote this.  I saw this mum walking down the street with two children, wearing skin tight brilliant white jeans, with a white top, amazing blonde hair, massive sunglasses, and the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen.  Seriously – how does anyone with young kids get away with wearing white trousers?!  Answers on the back of a postcard, please.

So anyway, here’s my poem, inspired by skinny jeans lady.

doodle of Beta Mummy and her two feral children , and stupid cat.

A doodle of Beta Mummy having a smear test

Even Beta Mummy Remembers Her Smear Test…


Ugh, I know.  It’s not my favourite part of being a woman, either.  But of all the things to prioritise, of all the times that it’s important to practise a bit of self-care, getting your smear tests (cervical screening) done regularly has got to be near the top of the list.

 

I Can’t Have It All…


Women can have it all these days, so they say.  We can be mothers and sex goddesses and ambitious career women, and can generally achieve great things.  We can.

One could.

But right now I’m failing at all of the above.

the weight of responsibility

I’m a Beta Mummy, breastfeeding


You know what, I have been putting off doing a doodle about breastfeeding for so long, and despite many requests.  Why, I hear you cry?  Because, dear reader, along with the whole fandango/sunroof birth thing (also not doodled as yet), it’s just so bloody contentious.  Whatever you say, and whatever angle you take, the nutcases crawl out of the woodwork and think it’s ok to start hurling accusations, guilt-trips and insults around.  So I’ll say it from the off – I won’t stand for it, it is just not cool.

A doodle of 5 friends holding hands, sillouetted against a setting sun.

Why Every Woman Needs a Wolf Pack


My wolf pack is like a second family.  My wolf pack is a group of women who are like sisters to me, and who I can rely upon for virtually anything.  Despite knowing each other for only a few years – we met through baby groups – we love and would do anything for each other as though we have been friends forever.  I think every woman needs a wolf pack.  I could not survive without mine, and here’s why:

Doodle of Alpha Mummy joyfully skipping through the autumn leaves

Why I f*cking hate the Autumn!


Autumn (or Fall, for my trans-Atlantic readers).  I hate it.  My Instagram feed is full of  people looking happy in cable-knit sweaters and kicking through leaves with their cherubic ruddy-cheeked children.  Slow-cooker suppers and cinnamon lattes and plans for Halloween and Bonfire Night parties and cosy nights in.  But I make no excuses for being a miserable old bat when it comes to this time of year.

Doodle of Alpha Mummy and Beta Mummy having a hug

Even Alpha Mummies struggle…


I have created a whole world of doodles laughing about the fact that I (er…I mean Beta Mummy…not based on reality at all…ahem) can’t really cope with my kids, that my life has been turned entirely on its head by family life, and that basically I am one big mess.  I write and doodle to make people laugh – and people do!  They identify with me, they laugh at (with?!) me – and let’s face it, a huge proportion of the issues that affect parents every day are funny.  Or at least have a funny side, even if it’s several days/weeks/months/years later that you manage to find it!

But what about when life is not fun?  What about when you look around you, and everyone else seems to be coping with the ups and downs of the everyday, but you find yourself feeling alone and struggling to manage?

Little doodle of a rainbow, with "Love all the colours" written underneath

The Battle of Blue vs Pink


Why is there so little choice on the high street, when shopping for kids’ clothes?  There are unlimited amazing colours in the spectrum, so why are we limiting ourselves – and our children – to blues and pinks?

Little doodle of a rainbow, with "Love all the colours" written underneath