School Shoe Shopping with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy

In just a few short weeks, my oldest son (FC#1) starts school.  This marks the start of many new and exciting events, and many stressful and arduous, too.  The worst thing is that this September to September merry-go-round ain’t gonna stop now until, god, around 2031.  “Back to School” this year, for us, is simply “To School”.  For the first time, I am joining parents up and down the country in such joyful activities as stationery-buying (fun!), uniform-trying-on (much less fun), and…dun dun dunnnn…the buying of school shoes.

I recently gave myself a motivational pep talk, pulled myself together and marched FC#1 and FC#2 to the shoe shop.  It was a well-overdue visit, having put it off for months.  But with FC#1’s toes poking out of his trainers, and FC#2’s feet refusing to squeeze into his one remaining pair of sandals any longer, we had to brave it.

 

It was a fucking nightmare.

 

Alpha Mummy, of course, would have booked an appointment so that she wouldn’t be faced with a 45-minute wait before even being seen.  She would have made sure that her little angels were well-rested and well-fed so that there was no possible reason for any unruly behaviour.  And she probably wouldn’t have nearly choked to death when she realised that there wasn’t a pair of shoes in the shop below £32.

Doodle of Alpha Mummy and her little darlings in the shoe shop. One child is happily colouring in the corner, whilst the other has their feet measured. They are delighted with their choice of shoes, and the trip is a resounding success.

 

Reference the Beta Mummy picture below.  That was me, sitting is disbelief as my “darlings” ransacked the shop, screamed blue murder at not being allowed the bright orange football boots (who cares that they didn’t do his size, and he doesn’t play football?), and FC#2 did his best to escape the shop to reach the Bob the Builder ride-on outside Sainsbury’s next door.

 

Doodle of Beta Mummy and her kids in the shoe shop. It is not going well. Feral Child number 1 is having a hissy fit over having to try on shoes, and would much rather have the orange dinosaur shoes that the boring black ones. Feral Child number two is attempting to escape the shop, again.

 

You want to know the worst bit about our trip?  We didn’t even buy any bloody shoes.  FC#1 insisted that all twelve pairs that he tried on were uncomfortable.  And FC#2 has such fat little feet that there wasn’t a single pair that would fit him.  Looks like the poor hippo-footed little bugger will have to wear wellies his whole life.

 

So it seems as though we’re off to buy school shoes (again) next week…wish us luck – and please send wine!

 

 

Petite Pudding

 

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Petite Pudding

 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

40 Comments

  • notaneffingfairytale 23/08/2016 at 6:07 am

    Oh I LOVE the illustrations! I have had years of this crap now…luckily my eldest is now 14 so I just buy him any old size 9’s. Toddler is 2 and screams down bloody clarks. They hate us in there because I only take her in to get measured and then get cheaper shoes elsewhere! Good luck with finding some!
    #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Nursery Whines 23/08/2016 at 6:25 am

    From reading my favourite blogs I am beginning to gather that buying children’s shoes is the stuff of nightmares. Funny, because I remember the five of us (What was she thinking?!) loving it when my mother took us to run amok in the shoe shop. She had us in leather Startrite all through my childhood, even though I wanted glittery cheap ones and I have terrible feet and had to have bunion surgery a few years ago. So maybe good shoes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be… #Chucklemums

    Reply
  • Donna Mills 23/08/2016 at 6:55 am

    Pahahahaha chuckling into my precious, precious coffee this morning 😂 #chucklemums

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  • Colleyswobbles 23/08/2016 at 7:23 am

    Oh Beta Mummy once again you nail it. How can they possibly charge that for a pair of tiny shoes? I don’t even pay £30 for mine. They do the whole if you don’t get our special shoes (for sake of argument let’s call the shop Sharkes) then your children will get deformed feet. I tell you what’s deformed my bank balance! Loving the new vibrant colours by the way.

    Reply
    • Colleyswobbles 23/08/2016 at 7:24 am

      #chucklemums

      Reply
    • Beta Mummy 23/08/2016 at 7:31 am

      Ooh thanks for noticing – I have been working on improving how the colours show up on screen 🙂 x

      Reply
  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 23/08/2016 at 7:37 am

    Oh, this gives me flashbacks. Buy online and send the rest back was the advice I believe 😉 #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Fran Back With a Bump 23/08/2016 at 7:46 am

    £40 ours were and how much of that is to justify a toy in the sole, a torch and an app to download?! I just want a pair of sodding school shoes! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Right Royal Mother 23/08/2016 at 8:25 am

    Oh how do you do it? I have just had this experience with NC for his first pair… after the shop assistants getting approx. 496 pairs out of the storeroom and none of them fitting, I decided I would spurn the idea of forking out £38 and went to the Cancer Research charity shop. £1.95 and a pair of 80’s style fake adidas slippery things, he is ONE HAPPY BUGGER. Love this post. Amazing. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Mummy Muckups (Anna) 23/08/2016 at 8:45 am

    Totally puts you off ever going!!! I can’t believe you didn’t even get shoes!! Uggggghhhh. Alpha Mummy is such a suck. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Sarah 23/08/2016 at 9:37 am

    Oh nooo, nightmare! I actually got all ours done amazing, but then I did feed and bribe him first…uh oh…I don’t wanna be an alphamummy! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Squirmy Popple 23/08/2016 at 11:26 am

    Shoe shopping with little people is the WORST. Not only does the Popple run around and pull all the shoes off the shelves, but we can never find any shoes small enough to fit her tiny feet. She’s still in crawling shoes after walking for almost 6 months. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Single Mum Speaks 23/08/2016 at 2:43 pm

    Hilarious! Luckily I haven’t had the pleasure of buying school shoes for Piglet yet, but I await the day with bated breath! #tribe

    Reply
  • Peachy and her Mommy 23/08/2016 at 5:28 pm

    The illustrations are ridiculously funny. That’s serious telent right there. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Becky (And Then There Were Two) 23/08/2016 at 7:16 pm

    Currently going through the exact same thing! Why the actual frig do Clarks shoes cost so much when my kids will have grown out of them in four days?! My sons school has an indoor/outdoor shoe policy and so the thrifty (and stubborn) woman in me just bought him some from Asda because I figured he’ll be mostly indoors anyway! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • thishappenedtometoday (Michelle) 23/08/2016 at 7:24 pm

    Hilarious! My girl is starting in Sept too. But I have cunningly outsourced the school shoe buying to my teacher (on holiday) husband. Who, no matter what happens will tell me it was a breeze. So everyone wins. Love the sketches, eternally jealous of your ability to draw! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Turning Up In Devon 23/08/2016 at 8:02 pm

    Hysterical, another blinder. Now, when I have to visit ‘Sharkes’ (thanks Colleyswobbles) I give them my budget range because so often they come out with “I’ve only got these ones in his size” – the ones I’d need to remortgage for – I’m on to them! Very funny post #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Jenny 23/08/2016 at 8:41 pm

    Hahaha shoe shopping is basically the worst day of the summer holidays! Also the shop assistant looks like my fiance!
    #chuklemums

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  • Utterly feral 23/08/2016 at 9:06 pm

    I absolutely adore your doodles #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Daislikethese 23/08/2016 at 9:37 pm

    This rings so true! Just wait until they come home on day 3 (if you’re lucky) with them scuffed to the threads holding them together after using them as a scooter/trike brake (my 5yr old) or for performing sliding tackles (my 8yr old!).
    #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Suzanne 24/08/2016 at 7:18 am

    We made the mistake of going shoe shopping on a Saturday. It was like hell on earth, especially after the Child found a disgusting glitter-rhinestoned pair that she wouldn’t put down. Thankfully the shop assistant averted a full on tantrum by offering up some silver sparkly laces. She earned her, probably minimum, wages that day! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) 24/08/2016 at 2:34 pm

    We’re braving the school shoe shop tomorrow! I suspect it will be more beta mummy than alpha mummy. Hope you manage to find a pair of school shoes soon! And that’s a scary thought that we’ll have kids at school until 2031! #triballove

    Reply
  • One Messy Mama 25/08/2016 at 1:14 am

    Shoe shopping with kids! You are one brave Mama! haha! Another hilarious post! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Alan Herbert 26/08/2016 at 11:08 pm

    We tried to avoid the nightmare that is school shopping last year by doing it online. Turns out the bloody sizes were out and cost too much to return and exchange.

    To make it less painful, we broke it into three trips!

    Ah poor little hippo foot in wellies 😂😂😂😂

    #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Karen TwoTinyHands 29/08/2016 at 12:48 pm

    Oh bless you! Hope trip 2 is more successful! I’m a few years off the school trip and can see me enjoying the stationary shop more too! EatSleepBlogRT

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  • Silly Mummy 29/08/2016 at 5:48 pm

    Haha – yes, it is a bit of an ordeal! & we have not even reached school shoe stage yet. It was much easier when I just had one child, but now at least one of them is somewhere touching things at any given time! In fairness, mine have not yet rejected the shoes they have tried on so we at least always get to buy some, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Becky at PinksCharming 29/08/2016 at 10:00 pm

    Ha ha this made me laugh out loud. I am somewhere in between Alpha and Beta as luckily my girls LOVE shoe shopping but they also love the hideous sparkly flashing shoes. But I went last week and was told there was a 45 min wait and left. I have now booked an appointment for tomorrow, wish me luck!! #EatSleepBlogRT

    Reply
  • Jenn @ Mad Mommy 30/08/2016 at 5:17 am

    My kids LOVE shoe shopping, my wallet not so much. Good luck on your next trip.

    Reply
  • Not Just Phoebe 30/08/2016 at 8:43 am

    love this! i totally feel your pain, our recent shoe shop was fairly similar apart from its just everyday shoes for a the little minx, I am even thinking of buying my own for measure (amazon) so we never have to go in again!!!! thanks for sharing and fingers crossed you find some 🙂 #EatSleepBlogRT

    Reply
  • Rachel (Lifeofmyfamilyandme) 01/09/2016 at 8:19 am

    Oh dear lol! I hit the shops as soon as they open so i have minimal waiting time where ever i go. Good luck shoe shopping! Thanks for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRt

    Reply
  • Petite Pudding 02/09/2016 at 6:22 pm

    Ha ha sounds like a nightmare – but very familiar! Pudding couldn’t have any shoes because she has microscopic feet – loots like she will be barefoot until she is four!! #EatSleepBlogRT

    Reply
  • wendy 04/09/2016 at 9:22 am

    Your parenting disasters always make me laugh…sorry! I love the man ‘questioning his life choices’ . I hope you find some shoes on your next trip, this will be me next year xx #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • Tracey Bowden 04/09/2016 at 1:02 pm

    I gave up on this whole shoe buying nightmare years ago. The girl is now the same size as me and is treated accordingly. With a pair off the rack in Asda (whole uniform shopping done in one go on a Saturday night last weekend in 20 mins). I have learnt that if she likes them and is comfy in them then to just buy them, or rather get her dad to he buys the shoes hope you managed to find some #kcacols

    Reply
  • #EatSleepBlogRt Week 5 - Lifeofmyfamilyandme.com 04/09/2016 at 6:57 pm

    […] reading all of you great posts, I had to pick my favourite. I chose Beta mummy’s post “School shoe shopping“. I think most of us can relate to this really funny post! Here is your featured […]

    Reply
  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 04/09/2016 at 7:59 pm

    Oooh I’m back for #KCACOLS! Hope you come back again next Sunday 🙂

    Reply
  • Alex Fihema 04/09/2016 at 8:20 pm

    The beta mum picture depicts every one of us (including Dads who go school shoe shopping). It’s worse than any nightmare I could have had and I have a theory that the stores do it on purpose to release their school shoes close to the start of scholastic year just so that the sadists can watch us and laugh at our frenzy #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • Kirsty @ winnettes 07/09/2016 at 11:53 am

    What a nightmare! We will be joining the ‘too school’ next year and I’m not looking forward the shoe part. Currently both my daughters have small but wide feet, nearly nothing fits properly, or the shop never has their size. The eldest is fuzzy, as she is old enough to have an opinion. When the young shop assistant says ‘Which ones would she like to try on?’ We have to tell him/her to inform us which shoes they actually have in her size first so as to avoid any potential tantrums from them not having her ‘couldn’t possibly live another day without, dream shoes’. It’s exhausting! #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • emma me and b 07/09/2016 at 2:20 pm

    haha another fab doodle 🙂 love these so much. and the pile up of shoes is so bloody true too! #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • Ali Duke 07/09/2016 at 9:12 pm

    My daughter is 11 and threw a strop in the shoe shop as they didn’t have slip on shoes in her size, apparently that was my fault. She’s lucky she didn’t go to school with bin liners on her feet lol.
    #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • Sonia 09/09/2016 at 3:36 pm

    You have made me giggle! My oldest is 10 (also have a 7 & 5 year old) and I made my first appointment at the shoe shop this year- I’m a slow learner! I was (for the first time ever) the alpha mummy! Whoop! #KCACOLS

    Reply

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