Run, Beta Mummy, Run!

Running seems to be a bit of a trendy thing to do these days – stagger out to buy milk on a Saturday morning and you’ll see hundreds of the healthy buggers galloping along the street or jaunting around the park, making the rest of us look bad.

I bloody hate running. Or jogging. Or indeed anything which involves pounding up and down (ooh er), pelvic floor straining and breasts wildly out of control and scaring the children.

Of course, Alpha Mummy LOVES running. It’s her “me time”; it maintains her mind and body fitness, and keeps her looking young and fabulous. She does half Marathons FOR FUN!

Doodle of Alpha Mummy out for a run. She has all the gear and is loving life. No wobbly boobs or damp knickers here!

I, Beta Mummy, am not so keen. Running, for me, is more a form of publicly-displayed masochistic self-flagellation. A while back I decided that in order to maintain my cake addiction without in fact turning into a female Homo Sapien version of Jabba the Hutt, I would have to do some exercise. The gym was a bit expensive, and those fitness DVDs make me want to throw things at my TV, so I thought I’d try the Couch to 5K programme.  Now I would actually really recommend that programme, in all seriousness, if you think you might like to take up running.  But unsurprisingly, my attempts at running tend to look rather more like the Beta version of events, than the Alpha.

Doodle of Beta Mummy attempting to run. She is not happy. She needs to pee and despite wearing two sports bras, she is still having some jiggle issues...

I have concluded that I am simply not built to run.  I’m not sure what sport I am suited to, but it is one that does not require two sports bras and a Tena lady.  Suggestions on the back of a postcard, please.


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17 Comments

  • Gina Caro @ Gypsy Soul 06/10/2016 at 11:58 am

    Haha this made me chuckle. I love the ‘idea’ of running but I too was simply not built for running. Have you tried yoga? You spend most of the time lying on your back with your eyes closed 😉

    Reply
    • Beta Mummy 06/10/2016 at 12:30 pm

      Ha ha – I like your style! I did try yoga a few times, and always fell asleep…!

      Reply
  • James Hopes 11/10/2016 at 12:16 am

    Running is silly. It is only acceptable as a means of escape. They wouldn’t have invented cars if we were meant to run places. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • The Kitschy Mumma 11/10/2016 at 7:24 am

    I love the idea of being able to count “running” as one of my hobbies, but I’ve been running twice in the space of a year and it’s safe to say that if I counted it as a hobby I’d be lying my arse off #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Agent Spitback 11/10/2016 at 8:22 am

    Hahaha…this is so funny! I hate RUNNING. I have too many jiggly bits but wait, I may run if there is a last slice of cake at the bakery? #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Nursery Whines 11/10/2016 at 9:15 am

    I’ve often considered going out in running gear just to get milk/a coffee/a newspaper. Spritz on a bit of water round the hairline and some blusher before leaving the house, then fake a light but healthy pant, do some stretches and stroll along the pavement – people will think I’m Alpha Mummy on a warm down…? #Chucklemums

    Reply
  • Coffee & Bubbles 11/10/2016 at 10:01 am

    No matter how many times I go for a wee before exercising it never seems to help! I’m an absolute Beta mummy here, a tomato-faced one at that!

    Reply
  • Kelly 11/10/2016 at 11:07 am

    Fab! ! The problem with my running ‘hobby’ is that it’s always going to start tomorrow.. ..

    Reply
  • Turning Up In Devon 11/10/2016 at 1:40 pm

    I make myself run once a week and do so love the throbbing hips and stinging tingly cellulite after the enjoyment of it! I wish I loved it but I don’t so I’ll just keep doing it beta style to offset the cake inhalation! Did enjoy a snorty lol. ta. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • kristin mccarthy 11/10/2016 at 2:38 pm

    As always the drawings are hysterical- I try and “run” a few times a week. I basically lob around the neighborhood and them complain when I do not lose a half pound….

    #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Sarah - Mum & Mor 11/10/2016 at 5:33 pm

    I’m buggered after a leisurely stroll. I don’t do running unless someone is chasing after me or I’m trying to make the train on time. And the damn earphones always keep popping out of my ears! #chucklemums

    Reply
  • and another ten things 11/10/2016 at 8:17 pm

    I started running in January after about an 8 year gap. I’ve got a feeling I look more alpha mummy but when the endorphin kick in I feel like alpha mummy which is the main thing. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Single Mum Speaks 11/10/2016 at 9:14 pm

    I love running but sadly have not done it since Piglet was conceived. I keep meaning to take it up again but there never seems to be time and it never seems to be a priority. I strongly suspect that when I do finally get round to it I will be very, very Beta indeed, having done no exercise for a very long time. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 11/10/2016 at 10:00 pm

    “Should have made a will” hahahaha! I salute you, you are a braver woman than I!

    Reply
  • Baby Anon 12/10/2016 at 8:43 am

    Ha ha. This is true. I run very sporadically. Husband tells me I run like a donkey. #chucklemums

    Reply
  • lizzie - the identity thieves 20/11/2016 at 8:02 pm

    I love this! I went out for a run this morning and…wait for it…actually had downloaded a “Coffee Break French” podcast. It lasted about two minutes, so I thankfully still also count myself as a beta mum.

    Reply
  • Beta Mummy Does The Downward Dog - 26/01/2017 at 11:34 pm

    […] a bit of a snooze at the end.  That sounds right up my street, much more appealing than *shudder* running.  Despite my Beta Mummy status, I too now could be a lean, lithe, green smoothie-drinkie healthy […]

    Reply

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