Monthly Archives : July 2016

Beta Mummy Cooks…Cheese on Toast


Beta Mummy COOKS logo

The world of blogging and social media loves a recipe – Pinterest goes mad for the bloody things.  A quick google search for “meat pie recipe” returned 3,910,000 results….wow.  So anyway, I decided to join the merry recipe bandwagon, and feature some extremely special Beta Mummy recipes on my website.

I’m going to kick off  with my recipe for cheese on toast.  Some of you may not think that something as humble as cheese on toast warrants a recipe…in that case then I suspect you are not a true Beta Mummy – when it comes to cooking at least!

Alpha Mummy's kid's party. The kids are behaving nicely, Alpha Mummy is smiling with her clipboard making sure everything is on schedule. Everything is very coordinated and organised-looking.

The Birthday Party – with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


As I mentioned in a previous post, it was Feral Child #2’s fourth birthday party recently. I say recently – it has taken me several weeks to recover and gather myself sufficiently to produce this post.

As you will know if you have children of primary school or pre-school age, kids’ parties these days seem to be rather more competitive than they used to be. When I was a kid, a party consisted of running around in ever-decreasing diameter circles to a soundtrack of Kylie and Jason, followed by a game of musical statues or pin the tail on the donkey, finished off with eating far too much e-number laden jelly and ice cream. Then we’d be sent on our way with a bit of cake wrapped in a serviette, and a balloon if we were lucky. Happy days!

A little doodle of Beta Daddy looking harassed with children around his feet.

Calling All Beta Daddies!


My blog usually focuses on Beta Mummy and her practically perfect counterpart, Alpha Mummy, but someone recently asked me if there was a Beta Daddy… Well, as regular readers will know, there’s no longer a daddy (Alpha, Beta or otherwise) living in my house, but I thought it was only fair to deflect some attention away from my own parental…

Beta Mummy's chaotic bathroom: piss all over the floor, dirty/wet clothes everywhere. Feral Child number 1 is presenting his arse for wiping, whilst Feral Child number 2 is sitting on the potty making a right old mess.

Potty Training with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


Potty training (or toilet training) should be a process of great joy, should it not?  After all, once complete, it does herald the end of nappies – hooray!  But, for Beta Mummies in particular, the process itself can feel like A Big Deal.

Well, one day, you’ll decide that you can put it off no longer, that it really won’t be acceptable (although tempting) to let your children live outside in a run and/or use a litter tray, and potty training will commence.

Little doodle of a rainbow, with "Love all the colours" written underneath

The Battle of Blue vs Pink


Why is there so little choice on the high street, when shopping for kids’ clothes?  There are unlimited amazing colours in the spectrum, so why are we limiting ourselves – and our children – to blues and pinks?

Little doodle of a rainbow, with "Love all the colours" written underneath

Five Simple Steps to Becoming a Beta Mummy


Now, as you will know if you have read my (frankly brilliant) poem Introducing Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy, I believe that all mums lie somewhere on a spectrum. At one end you have the True Alpha Mummy – practically perfect in every way, and nice to boot. At the other end of the scale you have the True Beta Mummy, who is… err… the opposite.  In fact, the True Beta Mummy is probably dangerously close to requiring an intervention from Social Services to be honest, but this is a light-hearted blog so let’s just say she’s a bit shit but means well.