Beta Mummies – We’ve Made It to Half Term!

We are approaching the first half term holiday of the school year.  How quickly did that go?!  It seems like only yesterday that I was writing about Feral Child #1’s first day at school, and now we’re already at half term.  I ponder  the gradual decline of my son’s appearance and general demeanor as fatigue sets in, on his part and mine.  I think we are all – teachers included, I’m sure – ready for a week off from the school routine to re-set and re-group before the madness of the Christmas season.

Why I f*cking hate the Autumn!

Autumn (or Fall, for my trans-Atlantic readers).  I hate it.  My Instagram feed is full of  people looking happy in cable-knit sweaters and kicking through leaves with their cherubic ruddy-cheeked children.  Slow-cooker suppers and cinnamon lattes and plans for Halloween and Bonfire Night parties and cosy nights in.  But I make no excuses for being a miserable old bat when it comes to this time of year.

How to be a good friend to a newly-single mum

Splitting up with a long-term partner is really shit.  Whether it was her decision or his decision, on good terms or bad, it’s bound to be painful and upsetting.  Throw a kid or two (or more) into the mix, and things become even more difficult.  If you have a single mummy friend who has recently gone through a split from her husband or partner, here are some ways that you could be a good friend to her…

broken heart

Run, Beta Mummy, Run!

Running seems to be a bit of a trendy thing to do these days – stagger out to buy milk on a Saturday morning and you’ll see hundreds of the healthy buggers galloping along the street or jaunting around the park, making the rest of us look bad.

I bloody hate running. Or jogging. Or indeed anything which involves pounding up and down (ooh er), pelvic floor straining and breasts wildly out of control and scaring the children.

Beta Mummy’s Hot Toddy Recipe

It’s been a while, but due to popular demand (“popular”, “demand”) I’m back for Beta Mummy…COOKS! with my recipe for Hot Toddy.

I use the word “recipe” in the loosest terms.  But I mean, I am heating something (water), and there is food involved (lemon, honey), so that is cooking, right?


A Beta Attempt at Work-Life Balance

I was contacted recently by a lovely reader, asking if Beta Mummy had any advice for attaining a good work-life balance. (ha ha ha I know, I know).  It seemed like a good time to publish these doodles I did a while back , of Beta Mummy and Alpha Mummy at work.

Even Alpha Mummies struggle…

I have created a whole world of doodles laughing about the fact that I (er…I mean Beta Mummy…not based on reality at all…ahem) can’t really cope with my kids, that my life has been turned entirely on its head by family life, and that basically I am one big mess.  I write and doodle to make people laugh – and people do!  They identify with me, they laugh at (with?!) me – and let’s face it, a huge proportion of the issues that affect parents every day are funny.  Or at least have a funny side, even if it’s several days/weeks/months/years later that you manage to find it!

But what about when life is not fun?  What about when you look around you, and everyone else seems to be coping with the ups and downs of the everyday, but you find yourself feeling alone and struggling to manage?

Big School…But He’s So Small!

FC#1 started school today.


I may be a Beta Mummy, but I’m not a heartless bitch.  Even though I complain about my children all the time, and even though I spend most of my time with them wishing that they’d go to bed already so that I can get on with the serious business of wine-drinking, I do actually love them – honest!


On paper, today isn’t a big deal.  I work pretty much full time, so both of the Ferals have been in one form of child care or another since they were a year old.  FC#1 going to school means spending only marginally less time with him than I’m used to.  He was at the school’s nursery all of last year, so he knows the setting, he’s familiar with the uniform, he knows the staff and many of the other kids – he was excited and raring to go.


But it is a big deal.

#Chucklemums Public Service Announcement

I bet you came here expecting the #Chucklemums linky… Well I’m very sorry, but we’ve taken the week off to re-brand and re-centre ourselves, or something, and we will be back with you next week. Please don’t cry! While you’re here, why not check out last week’s winners? Twice Microwaved Tea is getting ready to become a Bake Off pro…

Like An Urchin in School Uniform

My original Feral Child, FC#1, has his first day at school next week.  Determined not to start his/our first ever school year term as a totally incompetent, useless, disorganised Beta Mummy, I have taken steps to shuffle at least a little way along the Alpha/Beta Mummy Spectrum.

  1. I bought myself a new diary, and wrote the term dates in it (you’re impressed, right?)
  2. I sorted out the massive bag of hand-me-down school uniform I was given (ok, an actual Alpha Mummy would buy new).
  3. I named all the uniform!  (I know, I know – I needed a sit down and a glass of wine, too, to recover from the shock).