Why I Bloody Love Octonauts.


Kids’ TV is generally eye-gougingly awful.  Before I had children, I was sure that they wouldn’t watch any TV at all prior to three years of age, and after that it would only be educational programmes, no more than half an hour per day.  Then I actually HAD children.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…

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Beta Mummy attempts a very unrelaxing bath with the feral children

Bath Time with Alpha Mummy & Beta Mummy


Bath time in my house has never been part of our daily routine.  Being in the bath has never seemed to relax my kids – quite the opposite in fact – so it never made sense to do the whole dinner-bath-bed thing.  Also my kids are massive soap-dodgers, and I have zero energy left to argue by the end of…

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Wind the Mummy Up


Raise your hand if you, like me, will remember the words to the ubiquitous “Wind the Bobbin Up” until the day you die?  Recently I took the Feral Children to the library (I know, I know, big mistake – I only went because FC#1’s new teacher “suggested” that the children visit the library during the holidays,and it would be nice…

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doodle of Beta Mummy and her two feral children , and stupid cat.

I Will Never Be An Alpha Mummy


This post is a little outside my comfort zone.  Doodles are my thing – they’re my creative comfort, my tool for sharing my thoughts and humour.  Poems – not so much (although I’ve published one before).  But the line about the skinny white jeans came into my head one day and wouldn’t go away until I wrote this.  I saw this mum…

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Grow Your Own Veg with Beta Mummy


Grow your own! They said. It’ll encourage your kids to eat vegetables! They said. Well I grew my own – or at least attempted to – but did it bollocks make my fussy Feral Child #1 eat his veg.

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The Feral Child’s End of Year School Show


It’s that time of year again.  The academic year is drawing to a close, much to the relief of teachers everywhere. But before term ends, it’s time for the school play, or show, or end-of-term prize-giving, or whatever your child’s school calls it.  It’s a lovely time:  a time to celebrate our little ones and all that they’ve achieved over…

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A doodle of Beta Mummy having a smear test

Even Beta Mummy Remembers Her Smear Test…


Ugh, I know.  It’s not my favourite part of being a woman, either.  But of all the things to prioritise, of all the times that it’s important to practise a bit of self-care, getting your smear tests (cervical screening) done regularly has got to be near the top of the list.  

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Getting Naked with Beta Mummy


If you’ve given birth to a child or children, chances are you’ve got what the media like to refer to as a “mum bod”, or a “mummy tummy”.  Few of us manage to escape unscathed from the rigours and strain of growing, carrying, birthing and nurturing a baby over nine months and beyond.  But aren’t we supposed to lose the…

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Beta Mummy, Gym Bunny?


Recently, in a moment of madness and oh-my-god-what-has-happened-to-my-body, I joined my local gym.  I didn’t actually intend to join the gym that day – I walked in on a bit of a whim merely to enquire.  The next thing I knew I was signing a direct debit form and being handed a membership card.

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